An Entrance Worthy of a Chilean Miner
Thousands attended the rally for âpeople too busy to go to rallies,â which kicked off in true Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert style. Stewart greeted the crowd before begging Colbert to come out of his âfear bunkerâ and join him on stage. And, when he finally did, he came up through a rescue pod.
Colbertâs Inaugural Poem of Fear
Who could better recite the words of Stephen Colbertâs poem than Law & Orderâs Sam Waterston. The actor told the more than 150,000 in attendance that they'd better be carefulâfear was everywhere. Colbertâs âMineâ poem warned the masses that fear could be âthat guy who just coughed on your neck,â or perhaps that âbearded Ayatollah.â
Battle of the Trains: Cat Stevens vs. Ozzy Osbourne
Which train will you get on? The Peace Train, conducted by the granola-eating Stewart, or the Fear Train, with Colbert at the helm? You canât go wrong either way, considering the conductors are music legends Ozzy Osbourne and Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens. Neither musician managed to get through a full songâStewart derailed Ozzyâs fear-fest and forced Stevens to bring us back to sanity.
7-year-old receives the Medal of Fear
The words âCavene Cadmium Sitâ were inscribed on the glorious gold medal, depicting a naked man running with scissors. Colbert said the words translate to âwarning may contain cadmiumâ in Latin. A fitting warning, since news organizations The New York Times, ABC and NPR banned their reporters from attending the rally. So, naturally, Colbert awarded the medal to an adorable and âbraveâ 7 year old in lieu of the news organizations.
Stewart and Colbert Do a Duet
The two hosts belted their patriotic hearts out on stageâdespite their different takes on patriotism. Colbert âloves NASCAR half-time shows with tons of TNT,â while Stewart proudly boasted that his âhybrid electric scooter gets 100 mpgs.â Nothing, however, is more patriotic than their matching American flag jackets.
Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow and a Green Screen T.I.
If anyone knows fear and insanity, itâs rapper T.I. The rapper pre-recorded a jingle to sync up with Kid Rock and Sheryl Crowâs decidedly serious song. Crow and Rock sang âI canât walk on water, I canât save the sons and daughters, I canât save the world, but the least that I can do is care.â T.I. couldnât make it to Washington, D.C. because he on his way to an 11-month prison sentence.
Stewart and Colbert Face Off as âFormidable Opponentsâ
Stewart and Colbert wrapped up the rally with a debate, where they discussed Islamophobia and fear mongering. While the debate was humorous, it ended reflectively with Stewart telling the crowd that despite some fears that seem real, he has faith in the American people to solve the nationâs problems.