Miami Heat Win Streak: LeBron James’s Life Is Better Than Yours

On a cold January night, LeBron James locked himself in a gym and lifted heavy objects for hours. Satisfied with his workout, he tweeted an Instagram photo while getting his “Incredible Hulk on.” Less than 72 hours later, on February 3, the Miami Heat would conquer the lowly Toronto Raptors and embark on a historic 25-game winning streak.

Only the 1971-72 Los Angeles Lakers, winners of a staggering 33 consecutive games, have enjoyed a more monumental two months in basketball. This week, in front of a scorned Cleveland Cavaliers crowd—the same crowd James unceremoniously dumped on national television a few years ago—James lead his brethren to a miraculous 27-point comeback. The streak lived on.

What sorcery fuels this epic run? What happens when real life NBA players—who are human, despite what we see on television—hang up their jerseys and step off a court? For an unscientific study as to how these well-oiled muscle machines function, we examined the Twitter and Instagram accounts of Heat players during the run.

The results are unclear at best: Dwyane Wade loves his girlfriend and has a teddy bear named Joe. He listens to Adele and watches The Cosby Show. Chris Bosh, the forgotten star of Canada now relegated to the tiniest corner of “Big Three” lore, has absolutely nothing to say. Mario Chalmers, an inconsequential guy on the team, is often hungry and thinks Elf is one of the funniest movies in the world.

One undisputable fact does emerge: LeBron James’s life is better than yours. It’s only a matter of time before he starts tweeting at Lena Dunham and hanging out with Mark Zuckerberg. Below, a chronicle of what he’s been up to off court since the streak commenced.

1. He takes his kids to school. And really hates traffic. 3,165 people agreed and retweeted.

2. He watches Tom and Jerry before the day really starts.

3. He has the ability to ride around in his car dressed like a fictional serial killer and people aren’t disturbed.

4. He says whatever he wants to say on Grammy night and people love it. In this case, he muses on Jennifer Lopez and Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z.

5. He can go on a run of six games with at least 30 points and above 60 percent shooting and then takes a dig at Michael Jordan: “I’m not MJ, I’m LG.” That one’s been retweeted 79,000 times.

6. He’s friends with Justin Bieber.

7. When he says Jennifer Lawrence is a big deal, people listen. Clearly LeBron was watching the Oscars. But has he seen the starlet’s award-winning turn in Silver Linings Playbook? Judging from his obsession with reading the Hunger Games trilogy while winning the championship, it’s more likely that he really liked Lawrence as Katniss.

8. A moment of weakness. He tweets the word steak instead of streak. He has some crazy dreams. And yet, he’s still king.

9. We’ve all expressed the desire to film a Harlem Shake video. He—shirtless, wearing a royal cape and crown, and busting a move—is in one that’s been viewed 41.5 million times.

10. While the details of this moment are sketchy, he has the ability to humblebrag about the awesome time he’s having with his friends.

11. He professes a love for Mila Kunis, which was retweeted 7,400 times.

12. This brings up the more pertinent question of how many times he tried to watch Friends with Benefits and failed.

13. A monster dunk on the Boston Celtics Jason Terry led to Terry being pronounced dead on Wikipedia. “On March 18, 2013, Terry was killed by NBA forward LeBron James. The cause of death is being viciously dunked on.”