On Tuesday morning Howard Stern vet Amy Schumer went on the infamously raunchy radio show to talk about her upcoming movie, turning down The Daily Show, and pranking Kimye on the red carpet:
On Opening For Madonna
According to Schumer, comedian Chris Rock brokered her upcoming gig doing three dates in NYC as Madonna’s opening act—what Stern lovingly referred to as a “weird fucking gig.” Schumer, who still has not spoken to the pop icon, insisted, “I don’t think that I’ll do a good job.” When pressed, she explained that “I’m going to try my hardest,” but “I really think that it will be a bad set.” As a lifelong Madonna Stan, Schumer predicted that if she was one of the “jacked-up, psyched” fans who had paid to see Madonna live and had to sit through stand-up, “I would just be like ‘boo!’” Still, Schumer is convinced that totally bombing will be worth seeing three Madonna concerts for free—plus finally meeting queen Madge herself.
On Turning Down The Daily Show (Featuring a Daily Beast Shout-Out)
When asked about her decision to pass on the high-profile gig, Schumer was quick to clarify that “the only reason I copped to that is because it came out that they offered it to Amy Poehler and Chris Rock and so the Daily Beast writer I was talking to was like, ‘they’re releasing this anyway,’ so I just was like, ‘OK, I won’t lie.’” While Schumer said she was so flattered by the offer that it made her cry, she echoed Stern’s assertion that she’s not an overtly political comedian, joking, “I think if I heard that I was hosting The Daily Show I would be like, ‘Oh, give me a fucking break.’”
Comedy nerds and Jon Stewart fetishists alike will fantasize about the Jon and Amy hangout during which “we had a piece of pizza and talked about the possibility of me hosting.” While Schumer “was kind of fantasizing about it…like my whole family can work there, and everyone will get paid well, and we’ll have this little commune,” she ultimately “pictured all the fittings, like all the blazers I would have to wear and I was like, ‘I don’t want to do that.’” Blazer-based decision-making aside, Amy believes that “Trevor [Noah] will be so much better than me,” and “I’m going to bet on myself that I can do more.”
On Chris Rock and Her HBO Special
According to Schumer, “Chris [Rock], and Louis [C.K.], and Jerry [Seinfeld] are all very down to help each other. I think they feel like kind of lonely and in this league of their own. And they have all really left the door open to help me…they’re great, great guys.” Chris Rock, in particular, took sweetheart to the next level when he agreed to give Schumer notes on her set. “We were running around together for like a month or two…it was like my Make a Wish. That was the coolest experience I’ve ever had.” He even accompanied the female standup on the road. She joked, “He’s going through a divorce so the timing was perfect. Now he’s busy but I got him at the right time.”
In addition to making Schumer “a better comic,” Rock also agreed to direct her hourlong HBO special. “It was a total collaboration, the whole thing, he really helped me with my material and also picking to do it at the Apollo…everything.” Noting that Rock “definitely does not need the money,” Schumer proceeded to lavish him with appreciation and praise, calling him “the best living comedian.” After some light prodding from Stern, Schumer admitted that she also hangs out with Seinfeld, and is close friends with his wife. Obviously.
On Her “Make or Break” Movie, Trainwreck
Stern and Schumer got a little weepy when discussing the July 17 release of Trainwreck, the Schumer-written, Judd Apatow-directed project in which Schumer makes her movie star debut. Stern recounted the story of how Judd Apatow first heard Schumer on a previous Stern interview, and was so moved and impressed by her comedic chops that he helped her get her movie off the ground. Schumer corroborated that “the only reason that this movie got made is because of you putting me on this show.” Stern sincerely responded that “You are a great guest, I always loved having you on,” before teasing Schumer for apparently beginning to tear up in the studio, and asking her to “cry a little louder.” Schumer’s response? “Shut up! I tried to push it off with a joke about jerking off, don’t talk to me!”
After an exhausting press schedule, Schumer celebrated Stern’s show as “the one place you can be yourself,” before insisting that even if Trainwreck crashes and burns at the box office, “it doesn’t matter to me” because “the worst that they can do to us is send us back to the clubs.” She continued, “I feel no pressure. I’m in New York, this is my first movie, I don’t know if the industry’s changing, I don’t know how much it has to make for me to be a viable actor…I feel like we all just treat the movie business like making movies is the ultimate, and people are like, ‘Aren’t you so glad you don’t have to do your dirty, disgusting standup and television anymore?’ and I’m like I love my TV show, and I love doing standup, and I had the best time of my life making this movie, but it was also a very specific experience, so I don’t feel like, ‘Cool, now I’m on this phase, I want to do movies forever.’ There’s a lot of it that’s not that fun.”
On that Kimye Prank
Back in April, Schumer caused a bit of a stir when she wiped out in front of illuminati leaders Kim Kardashian and Kanye West at Time’s 2015 Gala for the 100 most influential people. When Stern asked the comic “what was going on in your head?” she started by setting the scene: “It’s like these Ebola fighters and people who have made real change and then it’s like me and Bradley Cooper…I was doing some interviews on the red carpet, feeling very out of place.”
Naturally, Schumer chose this moment to remember, “I love falling, I just think it’s the funniest thing in the world.” Once Kimye entered the scene, “I was like, ‘Oh, God, they’re right there.’ So I said to my publicist, ‘Can I fall?’ and she’s like, ‘You’re already gonna do it’…just to make myself laugh but also to take the power out of the moment…I like for everybody to be equal and let’s stop pretending, and they were just standing there posing and they were like really short and important and they’re just looking at the photographers like, ‘You’re welcome.’”
Schumer didn’t think the stunt was a big deal, and proceeded to have a great night (by the way, she loved Kanye’s performance). “My phone died because I’m not responsible and I’m trash so I got home and plugged it in and I had like 80 texts and I was like trending in Dubai.”
Reminiscing over Kim Kardashian’s reaction, Schumer noted, “She kind of almost took a step like she was gonna help me but then she saw that that wasn’t the vibe they were gonna do and she was like ‘oh’ and they just walked away.” In response to Stern’s assumption that Schumer was mocking the royal couple, she retorted, “That wasn’t to slight them or anything. I just thought, like, ‘This is the most ridiculous place I could possibly fall.’ It wasn’t about them personally, I just thought my friends would think it was really funny.”
On The Bachelorette
Schumer is an unabashed fan of The Bachelorette, and thinks the current one, Kaitlyn, is the best ever. “Absolutely. Love her. She’s got tattoos…” Then, Stern and Schumer discussed how ridiculous it is that Kaitlyn is being judged for sleeping with the male contestants. “If I fucked [Nick] I would [feel bad] because he’s a worm, but you’re dating all these guys, and it’s like oh my god, she’s like Hester Prynne,” she said. “And when Chris Harrison was like, ‘You’re going to be spending alone time with all of them,’ I thought, ‘This is very creepy.’”
Stern then pressed Schumer on whether ABC has approached her to be the next Bachelorette, and it seems… maybe they have. “Not formally,” she said. “Well, it was trending on Twitter and people were like, ‘She should do it!’ and then ABC was like, ‘Of course we want her to do it!’ so it’s been a lot of Twitter. ‘Sign up today, we’ll roll cameras tomorrow!’”She also expressed dismay at how black men are treated on The Bachelorette, and said she’d treat any black contestant differently than in series’ past. “The black guy would make it through to the end,” said Schumer. “I would fuck the black guy on camera. I’ve never had sex with a black guy—yet—but I have plans. It’s so rude how they treat [black men] on The Bachelorette.”
