Donald Trump is, contrary to the imagination of his attorney Michael “You Can’t Rape Your Spouse” Cohen, down in virtually every presidential poll. So on Sunday’s edition of Last Week Tonight, the inimitable John Oliver proposed that Trump should save himself the embarrassment of agonizing defeat and “drop out,” further explaining to the American people that the entire candidacy was a mere “stunt” to “expose the flaws in the system.”
And on Wednesday night, Late Night’s Seth Meyers, who gave the Donald one of the greatest dressings-down of his life during the 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner, not only echoed Oliver’s plea, but went one step further.
“Earlier this summer, it became clear to us that it might actually be possible that Donald Trump does not actually want to be president, and that might explain why he’s behaving so erratically on the campaign trail,” said Meyers. “So we here at the show made him an offer: if he dropped out of the race, NBC would give him a 13-episode scripted series where he would play the President of the United States. This is a fictional show where he would get all the trappings of the presidency and none of the responsibility.”
Of course, Trump previously hosted the reality series The Apprentice on NBC, a D-list extravaganza that breathed relevancy into people like Gary Busey and Stephen Baldwin, and a show that NBC honcho Bob Greenblatt recently said “consistently ran LAST in its time period,” before describing the bloated real estate heir as “demented,” “corrosive,” and “toxic.” Trump was eventually let go from NBC after demonizing Mexicans during his presidential announcement speech, so Meyers offered him a return to the Peacock for $410,000 a year—more than the $400,000 annual salary that POTUS makes.
“Now, NBC has in no way approved of this show,” joked Meyers. “But unfortunately, as of today, Donald Trump has not accepted our deal. So I decided to do some reading on how to get a deal done, and I picked up this book right here [The Art of the Deal] from one of those guys in New York who sells books on the sidewalk, and what I realized after reading it is that leverage is key in a negotiation, and I realized that right now I have all the leverage.”
He continued: “On that note, I would like to say directly to Donald Trump: We are now decreasing our original offer. If you drop out right now, NBC will only offer you a 6-episode series for $200,000 where you would play the vice president to—and I know you won’t like this—President Chris Christie.” “I’m sorry, Donald,” he added. “It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart. But you should’ve taken the offer last month.”
Donald, the ball is in your court.
