This week, the talented Alec Baldwin returned to Saturday Night Live as President Trump for the show’s hotly anticipated cold open.
The sketch parodied Trump’s bizarre interview with NBC News’ Lester Holt wherein the commander-in-chief admitted that, contrary to several days of misdirection and outright lies from his administration officials, it was he who ordered FBI Director James Comey to be fired—and not only that, he also confessed to pressing Comey on the FBI’s ongoing probe into possible Trump-Russia collusion during the U.S. presidential election.
“Hello, Mr. President. I know you’re a busy man, so thank you for being here,” said SNL’s holt, played by Weekend Update co-anchor Michael Che, seated across from the president in the Oval Office. “Thank you for having me here, jazz man. But before we begin, I just need to know if I have your undying loyalty,” replied Baldwin’s Trump, echoing a New York Times report that Trump repeatedly asked for Comey to pledge his loyalty to Trump over dinner in January.
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Baldwin’s Trump goes on and on about how he won the election “fair and square”—as is his wont—before adding: “It’s one of my favorite hits, and my fans love when I play the hits. It’s like when you go to a Beyoncé concert… they want to hear only ‘Single Ladies’ and not that ‘Sandcastles’ crap, OK?!”
After some more verbal jousting by Holt, Trump finally caves and tells him the real reason he fired Comey, the very man leading a counterintelligence investigation into his administration. “I fired him because of Russia. I thought, he’s investigating Russia, I don’t like that, I should fire him,” says Trump.
“But that’s obstruction of justice!” shot back Holt.
“Sure, OK,” offers Trump.
“Wait, so… did I get him? Is this all over?” says a confused Holt, before pressing his finger against his earpiece to hear his producers’ response. “Oh, no I didn’t? Nothing matters? Absolutely nothing matters anymore?”
It doesn’t, because as President Trump readily admits, he holds the Republican Party in the palm of his hand—including House Speaker Paul Ryan.
Baldwin’s Trump proceeds to ring a little bell and Ryan arrives, dressed like an ice cream shop boy. He delivers the President two scoops of ice cream—a nod to Time magazine’s recent interview with Trump, where writer Zeke Miller observed that Trump gets two scoops of vanilla ice cream while everyone else at his table receives one.
Che’s Holt then compares Trump to Nixon, causing Trump to bristle.
“No, no. I am nothing like Nixon because I am not a crook, OK? Plus, I bet Nixon only got one scoop of ice cream for dessert, and I get two scoops,” says Trump, throwing deuces like Nixon.
Trump whines about how Holt is omitting all the “good things” that happened recently under President Trump.
“On Tuesday, I let Kellyanne out of her crypt. Also, I invented a new phrase. Have you heard it? It’s called ‘priming the pump,’” he says.
But that is a widely-known phrase, fires back Holt.
“No it’s not. It’s when I tug on myself about a half hour before Melania comes in so she can find it easier, OK?” Trump says.
Holt is beyond disgusted: “Ew. That is not what priming the pump means.”
Indeed.
