Kim Jong Un, the North Korean leader best known in the States for his love of nuclear tests and his friendship with American former somebody Dennis Rodman, is reportedly out to find his little sister a husbandâand using a decidedly Western way to get her hitched.
Kim has allegedly chosen 30 eligible bachelors for his 29-year-old sister Kim Yo Jong. Sheâs one of the countryâs most powerful women, both because of her brother and in her own right, as a newly appointed member of the Central Committee of the Workersâ Party of Korea. The single-and-ready-to-commit comrades would be winnowed down much like contestants on The Bachelor, according to an anonymous high-ranking official-turned-defector quoted in Voice of America and later translated as a breathless âexclusiveâ in British tabloid The Sun.
And unlike the personal trainers and the unemployed who make up the American crop of Bachelorette hopefuls, there would be no bums in Kim Yo Jongâs bunch. Reports say Kim, The Onionâs 2012 Sexiest Man Alive, will only consider potential mates who are educated at the Harvard of Pyongyang, Kim Il Sung University. The suitors must also be attractive (obviously), at least 5-foot-9, a member of the party, and have served in the North Korean Peopleâs Army.
Who among us could resist the image of a plumping, oafish, yet still murderous Kim Jong Un standing before two-dozen anxious regime loyalists, all wearing their hair in the state-sanctioned style, asking each if he might âaccept this rose?â
Delicious as the prospect may be, itâs very unlikely to be true, said Michael Madden, an expert who blogs at North Korean Leadership Watch.
âItâs bullshit,â Madden says. âIf I had a dime for every rumor told about the leaders and their personal lives, Iâd be a millionaire.â
There might be a tiny nucleus of truth in the story, Madden says. âThey might be matchmaking her with someone if sheâs not marriedââthough he adds that even thatâs unclear, because of the culture of secrecy in the Hermit Kingdom.
Kim Yo Jong was previously rumored to be married to the son of Workersâ Party Secretary Choe Ryong Hae, as well as to a non-elite science professor. A 47-day absence in 2015 drove rumors that the younger Kim had given birth, but again itâs all just speculation.
Madden says the recent activity in North Koreaânuclear tests and space launches and the convening of the party congress for the first time since 1980âmight be driving the recent spate of wild tales from South Korea.
âEvery time [North Korea] does something strategic, the disinformation comes,â Madden says.
âThereâs enough weird stuff about North Koreanâs sex and personal lives thatâs actually true,â he says.
Madden answers the inevitable âLike what?â to that question with some hesitation, before launching into what he says is a common North Korean âsloppy secondsâ fetish having to do, he imagines, with a culture of prostitution and women who perform sexual favors. âItâs also not unheard of in South Korea and Japan among men who run big businesses,â he says.
âItâs something they are into and I donât know why.â
Then there was the joy brigade, or the pleasure squad, of Kim Jong Unâs father: Kim Jong Ilâs harem of beautiful women who would entertain and delight the Supreme Leader with song and dance or sex. It was reported in 2015 that Kim Jong Un was bringing the practice back, but Madden disputes this.
âI donât understand why these people donât actually put something more accurate out there.â
Still the blame doesnât rest solely with tabloids or South Korea, Madden says. Much can be put on the North Korean elite, whoâfor want of soap operas or reality televisionâoften revert to the age-old hobby of gossiping to keep them occupied.
âSome of it comes from the gossip mill that exists in North Korea among the elite and those who work in Pyongyang. All of these outer figures, they basically gossip about the Kim family and leadership: who is sleeping with who, whose wife went to China for plastic surgery. The gossip mill becomes like a childrenâs game of telephone,â he says.
So there wonât be a Bachelorette, North Korea edition?
âThey would never do that. Itâs a funny idea and would make a great comedy bit, but it would never happen in North Korea,â Madden says.