APP NAME: iFart Mobile
WHAT IT DOES: Plays a wide variety of flatulence sound effects labeled with names like "Burrito Maximo" and "Forrest Dump." Available for iPhone and iPad, too.
LEMON FACTOR: By now, this and other similar crude-sound apps have become a staple for giggling kids. But 99 cents to enable some of the most powerful mobile computers ever created to perform something your kooky uncle will do for free? Not iWorthy.
APP NAME: Notes
WHAT IT DOES: Included on every iPhone, this familiar app displays a yellow ruled pad for note-taking. Notes can be saved or emailed.
LEMON FACTOR: For such a basic, utilitarian app, this one inspires some passionate haters—and not just for its relative lack of integration and syncing features. Marco Arment, the creator of the widely admired Instapaper app, blames Notes' ugly font, a casual typeface called Marker Felt. "There's absolutely no excuse for using the Marker Felt font, an ugly, unreadable font in an application whose sole purpose is reading and writing text," he says.
APP NAME: Baby Shaker
WHAT IT DOES: Turns the innovative iPhone motion sensors into a way for the user to torture and silence an animated crying infant on the screen.
LEMON FACTOR: So twisted that Apple was forced to pull it from the App Store last year, Baby Shaker symbolizes the heights of app pointlessness. "There are thousands of equally bad apps, but Baby Shaker is probably the most notoriously bad," says Michael T. Rose, a veteran Apple watcher who blogs at TUAW.com and GeekParent.com.
APP NAME: The Wall Street Journal Mobile for iPhone
WHAT IT DOES: Provides iPhone access to the Journal's massive flow of news and analysis—but the full feed is only for paying subscribers.
LEMON FACTOR: In contrast with the Journal's app for the iPad, which has drawn raves from many, this app earned barbs from our panelists—not so much for the subscription fee, but more for the implementation and interface. At least some users agree: In Apple's App Store, the iPhone version has a user rating of two stars out of five—with more than 60,000 voters weighing in. "I keep this app on my phone hoping that they'll sort out a different way of doing things, but I'm not holding my breath," says Dave Hamilton, a co-founder of The Mac Observer.
APP NAME: FaceTime
WHAT IT DOES: Not technically an app, FaceTime is a widely touted new feature that allows a video call between two iPhone 4 users.
LEMON FACTOR: Does this phone make me look fat? FaceTime is great if you're one of the photogenic types featured in Apple's TV ads. But the front-of-the-phone camera can produce some distinctly unflattering images if you're not trim and fit. Yes, we know that's not Apple's fault (though perhaps some future iSlim app will digitally correct for double chins?). Advice for over-40 video callers: Hold the phone high and look UP at the camera.
APP NAME: Sword of Fargoal Legends
WHAT IT DOES: Takes a classic warrior and dungeon style game from early home computer days and puts it on your state-of-the-art 2010 iPad screen.
LEMON FACTOR: For $6.99, you can party like it's 1982. To satisfy retro fans, an iPhone version was probably inevitable. But why put this low-rez battlefest on the iPad's giant display? "Way to totally waste and drag down an entire platform with mediocrity," says Jeremy Horwitz, editor in chief of iLounge.com.
APP NAME: iTC Mobile
WHAT IT DOES: Nothing you care about unless you're an app creator yourself. The name is short for iTunes Connect Mobile, and it's Apple's way of letting developers and companies who have offerings in the App Store track their sales and trends.
LEMON FACTOR: Considering that it's an Apple-produced program that could be a critical tool to the coolmeisters who keep the App Store buzzing with software, iTC Mobile has left some developers decidedly underwhelmed—perpetuating the love-hate relationship some app producers have with the mother ship.
APP NAME: App Store for iPad
WHAT IT DOES: Lets iPad users shop for and download apps directly to their iPad rather than buying apps via iTunes software on a computer and syncing up.
LEMON FACTOR: In contrast with iTunes, the iPad App Store makes browsing slow and tedious—putting a big emphasis on Apple's own staff picks and displaying top-selling apps only 10 at a time, requiring constant tapping of a "Show More" button.
APP NAME: The Weather Channel Max for iPad
WHAT IT DOES: Shows the weather forecast, provides severe weather alerts and tracks weather-related tweets from Twitter.
LEMON FACTOR: Surprisingly for a high-profile app from a big brand name, this one is notoriously buggy, crashing without warning for many iPad users. (Start typing "weather channel ipad app" into Google, and based on what others have searched for, Google will guess you're searching for "app crash" or "app crashes.") In the App Store, where it has attained a meager two stars out of five, complaints run rampant about video ads that pop up randomly in the app.
APP NAME: Google Voice
WHAT IT DOES: Provide iPhone access to the popular free Google Voice service, which gives users free long-distance calls in the U.S. and electronically transcribes voicemails into text messages that can be read as email.
LEMON FACTOR: Is it any good? The world may never know. After Google created the app, Apple refused to offer it in the App Store, a move that raised eyebrows and sparked a request for information from the Federal Communications Commission. To get around Apple's move, Google has offered a Web-based interface for Google Voice that's well-tailored to the iPhone's screen. But the incident is a reminder of the powerful gatekeeper role that Apple plays (and the tension between these tech giants).
