5 Custom Flags Martha-Ann Alito Would Love

Martha-Ann Alito is fond of flying flags. Her husband, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, even complained about this tendency in a recent letter to two senators. But that was not their final word on flags.

This week, undercover reporter Lauren Windsor released a recording of Martha-Ann fantasizing about creating her own anti-Pride flag. Martha-Ann detailed her vision featuring a white background emblazoned with flames and the Italian word for “shame.”

It was a solid start. Still, one flag can’t possibly capture all the anger in Martha-Ann’s heart toward those who don’t share her beliefs. So with Flag Day coming on June 14, The Daily Beast has created five more bespoke flags for the Justice’s wife.

Martha-Ann’s proposed anti-Pride flag requires knowledge of Italian. Why not just play it straight? This version needs no translation.

Martha-Ann is not the only wife of a Supreme Court Justice to spout anti-democratic values. Justice Clarence Thomas’s wife, Ginni Thomas, is the O.G. right-wing extremist.

In the recording, Alito told the undercover reporter, “I’m German. My heritage is German. You come after me, I’m going to give it back to you.” Combine the German heritage of the missus and the Italian heritage of the Justice and you’ve got two-thirds of the Axis Powers.

Martha-Ann mentioned her desire to fly a “Sacred Heart of Jesus” flag to counter the Pride flags that she’s forced to look at “across the lagoon for the next month.”

Sounds like someone is forgetting Leviticus 19:18 which calls upon Christians to “love thy neighbor as thyself.”

First, her husband came for voting rights. Then he came for abortion rights. Now he’s coming for civil rights. The Alitos are probably so proud of all the pain they’ve inflicted, they’d love to let the world know. If only there were some kind of multi-colored flag that screams “pride”...