I know what you may be thinking: Why is a porn star advising men on how to date? Porn makes men have unrealistic expectations of what happens in the bedroom, porn causes young men to suffer from erectile dysfunction, blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard it all before, and everyone thinks porn stars harm men. The reality is we please men because we understand what men want. We also hear from men. They DM us on Instagram and message us on OnlyFans about their deepest desires and concerns. Many are struggling to date. They also are scared to speak out because society frowns on men asking for help. As much as we’ve advanced as a society, we still associate manliness with unemotional steeliness.
The reality is men need help, and porn stars are some of the best people to help men. We care about them, we hear their private desires, and we’re also women. We know what women want and need. And we’ve dealt with more than our share of shitty men. If we improve men, we also improve the situation for a lot of women.
For these reasons, I’ve launched an e-book, HOW TO BE DATABLE AF, to help men. Here are some of my favorite tips.
LISTENING
Fellas, I am not going to lump you all into one category because that would be ignorant of me, but what I will tell you is that in my years of experience dating lots of dudes, actively engaging in a conversation with us and listening to what we have to say is so, so, so appreciated. I cannot even begin to tell you how many guys I’ve had full-blown conversations with, sharing super intimate details of my life that weren’t always easy to discuss in the first place, but they couldn’t remember one thing I said afterward! That feels terrible and makes us feel like we’re unimportant to you. So next time you’re speaking to a woman, listen to her. Digest what she’s saying and ask follow-up questions. She’ll notice and probably ask you some questions too.
FITNESS
We think men love the gym, but it stresses many of you out. You worry you’re not as buff as the steroid freak next to you. But if exercise scares you, you need to reframe how you approach it. Men get way too emotional about exercise and end up making it out to be this whole big spooky thing and make a bunch of excuses as to why they can’t do it, but would you do that when it comes to brushing your teeth? I hope not. What I’m getting at here is that if you’re not yet an exerciser, you just gotta normalize it in your life. Make it a thing that you do, just like brushing your teeth. Work a simple exercise routine into your day to get the sweat and blood flowing, so you’ll release endorphins and be happy. When you’re happy, the chicks are happy too.
FASHION
Caring about what you wear is hot. And manly AF. Not only do high-quality women really appreciate it when men put effort into their appearance (it shows us that you give a fuck and take pride in yourself), but you will feel really good about yourself when you’re expressing yourself to the world. This also ties in with confidence. Everything is, indeed, connected! If you have no idea what your vibe is, a good place to start is to google your favorite celebrities/public figures and see what they’re wearing. Take screenshots and save them—or go scroll Instagram and save the outfits you dig so you can refer back to them.
SELF-CARE
Everyone’s version of “self-care” is different, but in sum, figure out your go-to rituals for taking care of yourself that make you look and feel your best, and commit to showing up for yourself daily and doing them. Self-care involves stuff like eating well, staying on top of your appointments like the doctor and dentist, meditating, skincare habits, setting boundaries in your life, etc. A man who takes care of himself shows potential partners that he loves, respects, and values himself… which means that he is also capable of loving, respecting, and valuing another human being.
VULNERABILITY
Women LOVE it when men are vulnerable with them. This is obviously dependent on the stage of the relationship you’re in. If you’re just getting to know someone, it is not the vibe to unload all your issues onto that person. They’re not your therapist. But it is OK to share bits and pieces of your inner self as you see fit. Stuff like your dreams, your aspirations, things that stress you out, etc. Women bond by sharing this stuff, and men tend to bottle this stuff up. Being vulnerable in a relationship shows the woman that you feel safe and accepted enough to do so, and vice-versa. Relationships are all about creating a sacred container of safety and acceptance for the other person to grow.
BE KIND
You’re kind to yourself and those around you, and treat everyone with respect and dignity. If you tell yourself daily that you’re kind, and you feel kind, you will be a kinder person. And when you’re kinder, the ladies are going to notice! And trust me, we’ve been waiting for a cool kind guy to come around.
In short, focus on improving yourself first and the grade-A, consistent, wifey pussy will come to you.
