During Sunday night’s season finale of Last Week Tonight, after spending a considerable amount of time talking about just how dangerous Trump’s election-fraud lies are, host John Oliver addressed his year-long obsession with a certain Oscar-nominated actor.
“And of course, I spent the whole year demanding that Adam Driver demolish me. Crush my larynx, you unwieldy boulder,” offered Oliver.
Then he got a special FaceTime call from… Adam Driver himself, who was, well, Marriage Story-level angry over the whole bit.
“Hey, John… Listen to me: What the fuck are you doing? This bit? This bit, this thing you’ve been doing that’s either sexual or violent,” he said. “This strange, strange bit that for some reason you’ve pulled me into. What is it? When you first started doing it, it was easy for me to shrug it off. But then it kept going on, and on, and on, and on. Stop talking. Do you realize, over this past year, what you’ve asked me to do to you? ‘Collapse on your chest.’ ‘Tie your fingers in a square knot.’ ‘Step on your throat.’ ‘Shatter your knees.’ ‘Pull your heart out through your ear.’ You realize we’re strangers, right? I don’t know you. And now, random people on the internet stan us.”
Driver continued: “I’m sick of people stopping me on the street and asking me if I’m going to punch a hole in you like a Marriage Story wall! And you know what? You should be ashamed of yourself, because you know this was inappropriate.”
Unfortunately for Driver, Oliver refused to admit any wrongdoing. “I was having some weird fun,” he said, before adding, “I’m 6 feet of nasty, spankable bird meat crammed into a suit?”
“You’re sorry! I’m trying to get you to say you’re sorry, Jesus Christ!” exclaimed Driver. “You deeply weird, small, small thing!”
It was hilarious, and evidence that Driver is a good sport.
