For once, The New York Times published an accurate story about the porn industry. This week, Peggy Orenstein wrote an op-ed encouraging sex education teachers to discuss porn during their classes. Her piece was well researched, but she only hit the tip of the iceberg.
I’ve worked in the porn industry for nearly a decade, and over that time have encountered a million crazy arguments from parents and teachers about why porn threatens teenagers’ lives. Porn teaches boys to rape! Porn misleads kids about the nature of sex! Porn inspires murderers! The list goes on and on. Most of these fear-mongering parents seek out parental blockers, cellphone spy apps, and, in the most extreme cases, legislation banning porn because they believe they can keep their kids’ eyes away from BangBros.com. Think again.
We all know teens watch porn, because we all have been teens. When I was a teen, my girlfriends and I all sought out porn. When many people’s grandfathers were teens, they stole copies of Playboy from the convenience store. Who can blame any of us? Teenagers are curious about sex, and young adults love to break the rules. What’s a bigger rule to break than digesting X-rated content?
This fact is taboo to discuss, especially in the adult industry. I don’t want underage people to watch my videos. It’s against the rules. I think it’s gross, and I make porn for adults (it’s called “adult entertainment” for a reason). Teens aren’t supposed to watch it, but we all know they do. We have good reason to deny this reality: The government and media already target us. We have to live our lives believing that nobody would lie when they click “I am 18 years old or older” to watch a video. If we confessed to the facts, The New York Times would publish more articles accusing us of harming children, and more states would pass laws meant to gut the adult industry—like the new bill in Utah that would force cellphone manufacturers to auto-install porn bans on phones.
As a porn star, I understand the adult entertainment industry’s fears—these ramifications scare me, too!—but as a member of society, I believe it’s essential we face the facts about porn, and that parents and educators teach kids about the reality of porn. Education will improve teens’ lives and also society at large.
What should they teach? First, porn is entertainment, not a documentary like Tiger King or a reality-television show like Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Porn is also fictional entertainment. It presents a fantasy. When you watch a violent movie, or better yet, play a violent video game, you know it’s make-believe. Well, so is adult entertainment. I’m an actress. On screen, I do some crazy shit, but I don’t necessarily enjoy that off-set every single day of my life. In fact, I love vanilla sex.
Boys need to know that many women will never ever agree to the type of sex they watch on screen. Gang bangs happen little in real life, and when you see a money shot, it’s safe to say that much of the jizz landing on a woman’s face is Cetaphil or Cream of Coconut. With that said, some women do enjoy this type of sex. I can’t speak for every pornographer on Earth, but I know colleagues who love choking or getting tied up at work and at home. But boys need to know that they must ask a girl before they attempt these acts. In a 20-minute porn scene, you can fast-forward straight to choking a woman, but in real life, you have to talk your way up to this. Even on a porn set, there are lengthy conversations about what a woman consents to. Sex educators and parents need to teach boys these facts. They need to learn how to talk about consent and why you should never expect a woman to choke on your dick on the first date, even if you saw a woman do it on XVideos.
Some parents and educators would argue we should ban porn to avoid all these conversations, but when has prohibiting a desired good ever worked in America? Porn can often be a healthy part of adults’ sex lives, and people will always seek out porn. The only difference is that now it’s just easier to find. To deny this reality is to have your head in the sand. Americans need to face the facts.
They’re also easy facts to swallow—pun intended—and an easy conversation to have. We all know Instagram models Facetune their images and that the bullets in Marvel movies are CGI. We can separate fantasy from reality. We do it all the time.
Instead of learning how to talk to each other, educators and parents point fingers at pornographers, which isn’t surprising. Adults can barely admit they watch porn themselves, let alone acknowledge parents and teachers’ need to discuss it with teenagers. Americans can drink responsibly and play video games without shooting up the mall. If we discuss porn more, we can all have a healthier relationship with the risqué content we love to consume (and, in my case, make). All we have to do is learn to face the truth.
