Angsty Personal Blog Reveals ‘Lonely’ Past Life of 20-Year-Old J.D. Vance

Donald Trump’s running mate, Sen. J.D. Vance (R-OH), waxed poetic about the Zach Braff movie Garden State, shared his musings about the meaning of home, and posted emotional updates from the months before he was deployed to the Middle East on a personal blog verified by the Daily Beast.

The site, titled “The Ruminations of J.D. Hamel”—Vance’s name before he officially had it changed after his wedding in 2014—was hosted on the popular early-internet site Blogger and is connected via a profile to a previously reported political blog penned by Vance called “The Hillbilly Elite.”

The blog was launched in 2005, just before Vance was shipped off to Iraq to serve as a public relations specialist in the Marine Corps. In it, the future veep candidate said he spent his final days before his deployment reading a biography on Winston Churchill and his Bible. He also cried a lot, according to one post, the first time he had done so since his grandmother recently died.

“Yesterday was incredibly emotional for me. I honestly can say that I felt more like a female than I think I ever have or will,” Vance wrote in a July 2005 post. “I cried twice, and along with the time my grandma died those are the only times I've cried since I was 13 years old. So yesterday was weird, and I read a lot yesterday, from a biography on Winston Churchill, one of my heroes, and the Bible.”

The lengthy ramble is one of four posts on the blog that offer a new look into the inner thoughts and political development of a man who may soon be a heartbeat from the presidency, and offer some themes familiar to most millennials, including anxiety over the future of social security and the possibility of homeownership. He also shared—overshared, even—his personal feelings in a way that most millennials may find relatable.

“So bored and lonely here that I need something to get my mind back on the right track,” he wrote in the July post. “I feel really weird right now, like I don't want to hang out with anyone except for my closest friends or my family, and I have few really good friends here and no family.”

For Sean Morrow, the writer at labor site More Perfect Union who first posted screenshots of the blog Tuesday on social media, the blog showcases “how often [Vance] reinvents himself to fit the moment.”

“In between ‘sensitive college boy making casually misogynist comments to explain his emotions’ and ‘wannabe far-right strongman’ Vance made multiple other transformations. It’s a path worth paying attention to.”

Vance’s office declined to comment on the now nearly 20-year-old blog.

The blog features some more lighthearted posts too, including several mid-2000s pop culture references.

“Any thought about my family-a memory of Meghan singing "B-A-N-A-N-A-S" in the back of the car, the card that my little cousins made for me, or whatever-made me tear up,” Vance wrote, seemingly referencing Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl,” which was released in March that year and topped the Billboard Hot 100 for four consecutive weeks.

Vance also shared his thoughts on the 2004 film, Garden State, which starred Scrubs actor Zach Braff alongside Natalie Portman.

“I couldn't watch Garden State because New Jersey’s landscape is so much like Ohio’s, the music is so relevant to my life right now, and the story of a guy returning home, realizing that home isn’t what it used to be, etc. made me want to tear up,” Vance wrote. “The comment he makes about about [sic] realizing that the place he grew up isn’t really home anymore, and his theory that people settle down because when you lose your home you want to make a new one really resonates with me right now, and I’m sure it does with some of you too.”

About one month later, Vance updated his friends and family when his boots finally hit the ground in Iraq after weeks of traveling through Ireland, Hungary, and Kuwait. “The temperature in Kuwait hit me like a ton of bricks, it was 125 when we got off the plane,” Vance wrote. The young marine said it took some time to get used to his new home—a former Iraqi Air Force base seized from Saddam Hussein’s forces in the months prior.

“Today I saw a concrete bunker with a crashed MiG in it, and I have to admit it was pretty cool,” Vance added.

For entertainment, Vance said he was going to find what he called “Hajji DVDs.” “Basically, these Iraqi dudes pirate movies and sell them here the same day they come out in theaters in the U.S., at a cost of $2.50 apiece.” He described himself as “a little homesick, but mostly happy to be here and finally contribute, even if only a small part, to our country’s mission.”

The 2005 blog shows a very different side of Vance as a Marine—an excitable, thoughtful young man eager to serve his country.

The Ohio senator has since changed his tone on the war in Iraq, condemning it on the floor of the Republican National Convention as he accepted the nomination for vice president.

If any of Vance’s family or friends were looking for more personal insights or updates from former President Donald Trump’s running mate, however, they were out of luck—he stopped writing for his blog just five months after his first post.