I love you, and you love me, but who okayed this new Barney?
On Monday, Mattel announced that Barney will soon be back with a new series. As with most Hollywood revivals, however, there is a catch: The infamous purple dinosaur will no longer be played by some guy in a very tall, fuzzy suit. He’s gone CGI now, as CNN and others reported—and by the looks of things, he’s had some buccal fat removed.
The online masses, famous for loving when our beloved childhood properties change and old mascots get replaced, have responded to images of Mattel’s new “Barney” with all the grace and kindness one might expect for this new dinosaur. (That is to say, none.) And honestly, who can blame them? The original Barney & Friends ran from 1992 to 2010, and that’s not even counting the movies. It taught generations of children about cleaning up and sharing, and more importantly, it introduced viewers to Selena Gomez at an early age.
It’s true that as far as low-hanging fruit goes, Barney has always been a big-butted grape dangling on a vine. Still, he was also a surrogate daddy on TV—a green bellied giant with a kind, only-sometimes creepy smile and stoner eyes. And now we’re supposed to accept this new, animated interloper? Like, does he even know the songs?
Where does one even begin with this new guy? For starters, the eyes on this so-called “Barney” are all wrong. They’re big and round, and they telegraph youth—as does this his stature. Maybe it’s just his pose in the promotional image shared with Mattel’s announcement, but doesn’t this little guy look younger than the original Barney? Is this supposed to be a stand-in parental figure, or a peer?
No word yet on what Barney’s friends look like in the revival, but sources say Baby Bop has gotten cheek implants and exclusively wears her hair in a pair of tiny space buns.
True Barney stans know that in the late ’80s, Barney had a different look than the one most ’90s kids grew up with. He was originally violet, with a squarer, T-Rex-like jaw and more spots. After a few years, he turned magenta and his voice became a little higher. The physical changes made Barney a little warmer and friendlier, but he retained his gently paternal vibes. This new “Barney,” on the other hand, looks like he might as well be Baby Bop and B.J.’s age.
(While we’re on the subject of ages: Did any of us clock at the time that Barney is canonically a two-hundred-million-year-old dinosaur, whose best friends are seven and three years old? Barney’s advanced age is only two in dino years, according to his Barney Fandom page, but still: How did these three meet, and why do they hang out? Perhaps B.J. and Baby Bop’s ages are also in dino years? But then, wouldn’t that make them older than Barney? That can’t be right… Lots to think about!)
This new series appears to be separate from the film reboot Mattel first announced in 2019, which had Nope star Daniel Kaluuya attached. “Barney was a ubiquitous figure in many of our childhoods, then he disappeared into the shadows, left misunderstood,” the actor said in a statement at the time. “We’re excited to explore this compelling modern-day hero and see if his message of ‘I love you, you love me’ can stand the test of time.” Ohhh-kay! As of last summer, the project was reportedly still happening, but it was not part of Monday’s announcement.
As Mattel unveiled the new Barney, General Manager of Mattel Television Fred Soulie said that in creating the new Barney, “it was important to us that we properly reflect the world that kids today live in so that the series can deliver meaningful lessons about navigating it. … With our modern take on Barney, we hope to inspire the next generation to listen, care, and dream big.” Given the disproportionate ire that has long accompanied Barney, this feels like a delicate nostalgia play. That said, if handled correctly, it’s possible that stuffed dinosaurs might just clean up, clean up in every toy store, everywhere once more.
