Back in March, comedian Louis CK penned a passionate screed against presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, labeling him “Hitler” and the American public to “Germany in the ‘30s.” On Friday night’s edition of his HBO program Real Time, Bill Maher took it upon himself to compare the Trump children to “Nazis.”
But first, the outspoken political satirist mocked Trump’s lame-as-heck Republican convention lineup. Yes, Trump had over the past several months promised an all-star lineup of celebrities and athletes, touting names like Mike Tyson (one rape conviction), Ben Roethlisberger (two sexual assault allegations), and Tom Brady (OK, he’s perfect), but when push came to shove, the billionaire ex-reality show host could only muster a cast of D-listers not even worthy of The Celebrity Apprentice.
“I thought Trump was rich! Can’t he even bribe somebody to come? Shit, for two-hundred grand you can get Hillary!” Maher quipped during his opening monologue.
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Trump is that guy you know who invites you over to a party, dangling flowing booze and beautiful women, and you arrive only to find him in gym shorts, alone, sipping a sixer of Rolling Rock—or in teetotaler Trump’s case, O’Doul’s.
“Trump released yesterday his list of the ‘celebrity speakers.’ It’s a veritable who’s who, because when you hear the list you go, ‘Who?’” joked Maher. “It shows what a carnival barker-conman Donald Trump really is. For months, he’s been talking about what a showman he is: it’s gonna be a great convention, I’m gonna have all sorts of celebrities, a night of winners! You know who the celebrities are? Antonio Sabato, Jr., Natalie Gulbis, the 363rd ranked lady golfer in the world, and as of yesterday Tim Tebow, who’s not even in football, and he pulled out. Cleveland has more celebrities when a convention isn’t going on there. Mostly who’s going to speak at this convention? Trump’s kids! That’s the whole show, is his kids! The theme of the convention is a celebration of Trump’s ejaculate.”
“I kid the Trump children,” Maher continued. “Don’t you love them? Perfect Ivanka, and little Tiffany, and Eric, and Don, Jr. They’re like the Von Trapp family—you know, from The Sound of Music—if instead of running away from the Nazis they joined them.” (Ivanka Trump is, in fact, a convert to Orthodox Judaism.)
Later on in the monologue, Maher took aim at Trump’s VP pick Mike Pence, the Republican governor from Indiana.
“Mike Pence! Exciting, huh? Nobody knows who this guy is. Right away, he told everybody the top three things about him (he’s got a list): Christian, conservative, Republican, in that order,” said Maher. “And then he said if he goes anywhere where alcohol even might be served, he brings his wife. So I guess there’s a fourth thing on that list: pussy.”
The comedian expanded on his Pence take during the panel portion of the show, railing against Pence’s long history of homophobia, among other disturbing things. “I first heard about this guy a couple of years ago when he came out for religious freedom laws—these are the laws that allow restaurants not to feed gay people, as Jesus would have wanted,” he said. “He hates all the right things: he’s a total climate change denier, really bad on abortion, hates the poor, and super, super hates gay people. He is for gay conversion therapy, you know, where you pray away the gay, because that works. He says kids from a heterosexual family with two heterosexual parents come out healthier and more stable—like the healthy, stable guy at the top of the ticket. And against gay marriage, against ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ in the military.” “He’s gay, right?”
