On Friday night, after some opening monologue cracks about the planned “Straight Pride Parade” and the Trump family’s visit to the U.K., wherein “England’s royal family met America’s royal fuck-up,” and backing the asinine shrieks of grievance specialist Bret Easton Ellis, Bill Maher delivered a mock commencement address to the class of 2019.
The Real Time host has, of course, made a habit of railing against millennials and Generation Z—you know, the demographic that voted resoundingly against Donald Trump, grew up under the specter of war and regular school shootings, and has suffered under an economy crippled by Maher’s generation. He views them as soft; as coddled; as whiny. So…he bitches about them constantly.
Standing at the lectern, Maher said, “Parents, I’m here today to tell you the results of your parenting have been incredible—for the pharmaceutical industry. Because these kids are fucked up and need drugs. They need drugs for the crushing levels of anxiety they have, brought on by the knowledge that after the way you pampered and spoiled them, life is going to crush them like the white kid in a spelling bee.” (Translation: Maher believes that America’s prescription drug problem is mainly due to soft parenting, not, say, his generation overprescribing dangerous medications.)
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“I’m just trying to be your friend, which is someone who tells you the truth,” Maher continued. “And the truth is, the world is unfair—it’s not like college, it’s like the Electoral College. And you kids, you’re about to enter freshman year of life, and that can be very unsettling—much like the slap in the face that your parents should have given you the first time you swore at them.” (Translation: parents should have slapped their children more.)
“But they didn’t. They didn’t,” he went on. “And so, you became the ‘hey buddy’ generation. ‘Hey buddy, could you put your shoes on?’ ‘Hey buddy, could you get in the car?’ But in real life, not everybody is your fucking buddy. And that’s why you’re fucked. No, I mean really fucked, because nobody ever told you ‘no,’ or ‘you’re wrong,’ or ‘you’re in the way,’ or ‘that’s not good enough,’ or ‘wait,’ so you think the whole world is supposed to be your safe space where everything is wonderful and no one ever even gets their feelings hurt. Well kids, I have some very bad news for you: Mister Rogers is dead.”
As a 34-year-old, I’m technically a millennial. And I can safely say that none of my friends or colleagues whine and complain about minor grievances as much as Bill Maher, a multimillionaire television host.
