I’m not sure which outfit broke me. Maybe it was the bucket-hat-and-dress-with-hand-warmers combo, or the giant olive green cardigan over a yin-yang sweater with retro, rainbow-stripe pants. All I know is that by the end of Boo, Bitch, a deeply distressing kind of angst had taken hold.
“Do the teens really dress like this?” I wondered aloud to my empty living room. “Do I even know how the teens dress anymore?!”
It’s been decades since anyone could honestly expect a kid on most teen TV shows to dress like one of the mop-heads you might find at your local skate park. (And honestly, who would want that?) The teens of TV, like the influencers on actual teens’ screens, are unattainably polished and have been at least since Josh Schwartz started churning out glamorous soaps like The OC and Gossip Girl. (Remember how Mischa Barton basically became the face of Hollister miniskirts and going-out tops in the early aughts? Hope she’s doing well!)
All the same, teen TV fashions do appear to be evolving, or at least doubling down on the Blair Waldorf approach to costuming. From Sydney Sweeney’s endless supply of Y2k-style curly-hemmed shirts on Euphoria to Madelaine Petsch’s Queen of Hearts-style preppiness in Riverdale, nothing is ever too much.
Sometimes, however, the youth’s adoration for power clashing and decade blending seems to short circuit the adults tasked with replicating (and heightening) teen fashion on screen. The result? Looks that are, in fact, entirely “too much.”
For example, just look at the Boo, Bitch character who launched my Tuesday-afternoon existential crisis.
Gia's (Zoe Margaret Colletti) fashion sense is pure TikTok, down to the chunky Doc Martens and space buns. Her most memorable fit? Teal snakeskin pants, glittery white eyeliner with shiny, Lip Smackers-style gloss, and a sweater that practically screams “Limited Too.” Throw on a blonde wig and hand her a journal and you’ve got Lizzie McGuire with a Lindsay Lohan edge. (Because let’s be real: Tween Hilary Duff would never have worn snakeskin; she was a cow print babe all the way.)
I know, I know. As someone who survived the indie sleaze craze and the ’80s leotard-and-leg-warmer resurgence that came with it, I shouldn’t be surprised to see the long-abandoned fashions of my youth come back to haunt me. Our current reigning pop star is, after all, Olivia Rodrigo—purveyor of bucket hats and lover of 2000’s fashion-victim trends. Still, as more and more shows try to capture today’s teens’ take on Clueless chic, the efforts can feel strained.
That’s not to say that every teen on every teen show should dress like someone you’d see down the aisle at the grocery store. At the end of the day, the aggressive fashion choices of today’s TV teens are a net good—even when they’re heinous.
The bolder and weirder youth fashion gets on TV, the wider the door opens for real-life teens everywhere to dabble and experiment with their self-expression. And besides, it’s always more fun to watch a show go over-the-top with its wardrobe choices than to see the pendulum swing in the opposite direction. (Plaid button-downs and billowy blouses with jeans? Forever? Groundbreaking.)
As Cher Horowitz and her immaculately dressed squad proved back in the ’90s, whimsical fashions can beautifully express how fantasy and reality converge in the teenage brain. Far be it from me to tell the teens how to dress—in real life, or on TV. I’m just saying, we’ve got to draw the line somewhere, and I draw it at believing that the teens are really trying this hard to recreate my generation’s Punky Brewster era. And at the very least, some of their threads should probably look thrifted. Anyway, get off my lawn!
