According to a copy of Britney Spears’s new memoir obtained by The New York Timeson Thursday, the pop star writes that she relied on the ADHD medication Adderall throughout the 2000’s—chiefly during her notorious party days alongside Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan. Adderall “made me high, yes, but what I found far more appealing was that it gave me a few hours of feeling less depressed,” Spears writes, rather heartbreakingly.