Bullet? Shard of Glass? Welcome to Donald Trump’s Ear Wound Theater

On Wednesday, FBI Director Christopher Wray triggered a firestorm when he told a congressional hearing on the assassination attempt against former President Donald Trump, “With respect to former President Trump, there’s some question about whether or not it’s a bullet or shrapnel that hit his ear.”

That’s right. Nearly two weeks after gunman Thomas Matthew Crooks opened fire on a Trump rally, the director of America’s top law enforcement agency said under oath that law enforcement did not know what caused the injury to the president’s ear that launched a thousand stories of divine intervention and Trumpian heroics. Now, the New York Times reports, the FBI wants to interview Trump, as the agency examines “numerous metal fragments found near the stage” where he was speaking as the incident in Butler, Pennsylvania, unfolded on July 13.

Inevitably, Trump turned on Wray in a characteristically bellicose post on Truth Social Thursday night, claiming Wray’s “only focus is destroying J6 Patriots, Raiding Mar-a-Lago, and saving Radical Left Lunatics, like the ones now in D.C. burning American flags and spray painting over our great National Monuments—with zero retribution. No, it was, unfortunately, a bullet that hit my ear, and hit it hard. There was no glass, there was no shrapnel. The hospital called it a ‘bullet wound to the ear,’ and that is what it was. No wonder the once storied FBI has lost the confidence of America!”

Trump is very sensitive about this ear wound, and the potent, symbolic meaning he has insistently imbued it with. The wound became the centerpiece of the Republican National Convention. It was one that was celebrated by Trump himself in remarks in which Trump stated, “As you already know, the assassin’s bullet came within a quarter of an inch of taking my life.” He then waxed rhapsodic about the incident on that “warm, beautiful day in the early evening in Butler Township in the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.” There was music. And of course when the crowd saw Trump take the stage it “was cheering wildly.”

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Then he described instant by instant what happened next. He turned his head. And then “I heard a loud whizzing sound and felt something hit me really, really hard. On my right ear. I said to myself, ‘Wow, what was that? It can only be a bullet.’”

Reflecting on the moment, he said, “If I had not moved my head at that very last instant, the assassin’s bullet would have perfectly hit the mark and I would not be here tonight. We would not be together.”

Cries of “No, no!” could be heard from the adoring crowd many of whom were wearing on their right ears little white squares of gauze in solidarity with their president who was also wearing one…despite the fact that he had not been and his ear looked just fine at an event earlier that day.

TV commentators grew misty-eyed as they watched Trump, obviously changed by his near death experience. The president’s supporters sought to turn the event into legend.

Famed, unbiased, completely un-deranged presidential historian Elon Musk said, “Last time America had a candidate this tough was Theodore Roosevelt.”

He was drawing an analogy to the moment when in 1912 Roosevelt sustained a shot to the chest from a would-be assassin and shortly afterward, despite a doctor’s warning not to, delivered a speech at a Milwaukee auditorium in which he noted that he had a bullet in him and that as a consequence, he could not “make a long speech.” Over 100 million people saw Musk’s tweet.

Trump and his handlers were infuriated by Wray’s comment. A spokesperson for the former president stated, “Anyone who believes this conspiracy bullshit is either mentally deficient or willfully peddling falsehoods for political reasons.” He then blamed Wray’s statement on the Biden administration, about whom he asserted there is no depth to which they would not go.

But you see, there are a few problems with the theory that Wray’s statement was politically motivated. First, Wray was appointed by Trump. Next, Wray is both a Republican and a member of the conservative Federalist Society.

Thirdly, no credible medical professional had actually said at any point following the assassination attempt that Trump was actually struck by a bullet. Yes, Dr. Ronnie Jackson, now a member of Congress said, “It was a bullet—I’ve seen the wound. Pathetic!!”

But Jackson is no longer a practicing physician as his medical license has expired. Oh, and in 2022 he was demoted from the rank of admiral by the Navy after it an investigation revealed that he ran a pill mill when he served as Trump’s White House doctor. And of course, it was Jackson who said that Trump had the body of a Hemsworth, despite all appearances to the contrary.

There is no doubt that Crooks actually opened fire in the direction of the former president. Crooks and another man were killed in the horrific incident. Two other individuals sustained grave injuries. Crooks wanted to be an assassin. Wray noted that he had searched the internet for information on John F. Kennedy’s murderer Lee Harvey Oswald and that he had in his possession a drone used for site surveillance and explosive devices.

There is no minimizing the gravity of the event that took place that “beautiful day in the early evening.” But the controversy over whether or not Trump was actually hit by a bullet is a self-inflicted wound made by the former president. That is because unlike in past such events, there was no formal medical report from the doctors that treated Trump after the shooting. As Rep. Dan Goldman of New York noted, “We have not seen any medical records. We have not had an independent doctor other than a hyper-partisan elected member of Congress comment on what happened.”

As a result, predictably, controversy has swirled. It might not have had the president been forthcoming with medical records. It might have had the big MAGA myth machine not immediately turned the event into an operatic tale of the hand of the Lord Almighty reaching down to save the heroic president who dodged death by mere millimeters.

It might not if the president had not insisted on the ridiculous and clearly unnecessary ear bandages and had not all the little Trumpinis followed suit like the good little mindless lemmings that they are. But all those things happened. And they raised very real questions about whether the Ear Wound Theater was all costume drama, and posed the possibility that, if it was, it was one of the most craven, cynical displays by a politician ever. Which is saying something, given Trump’s history as a pathological liar.

It is therefore not surprising that even very serious people have publicly questioned what actually happened that day including a former chairman of the Republican National Committee. Observers have correctly argued that Trump could have been, like several police officers, hit by flying debris. Doctors have noted that the wound from an assault rifle, even a minor one, would have been much more severe.

Therefore, it is entirely on Trump and his team that rumors and doubts are swirling around the former president just like the debris kicked up by the eight shots fired by Crooks. Had they been more forthcoming with the details of the shooting, the event still would have been dramatic, the president still would have been targeted, the terrible loss of life and the injuries sustained by innocent bystanders would have been a powerful story without embellishment. Or without unnecessary mystery.

It might not have been quite the combination of the Roosevelt story and the second coming that the MAGA bards were hoping for. But it would have been a compelling drama nonetheless had it just been left to play out as “Rebel Without a Gauze.”