In the week since J.D. Vance (R-OH) was chosen as Donald Trump’s new running mate, some may say that things haven’t been going all that well for him. From his embarrassing anecdote about Diet Mountain Dew to the renewed focus on his history of flip-flopping, it’s no surprise to hear rumors that some Republicans are reportedly regretting the choice.
One rumor, in particular, has caught Stephen Colbert’s attention. The Late Night host spoke in his Thursday monologue about the scandalous gossip that Vance once had sex with a couch.
The rumor was born from a July 15 post on X that claimed to be sourced from Vance’s memoir, Hillbilly Elegy—but turned out to be a made up one-off joke to took off in such a big way that the Associated Press actually fact-checked it on Wednesday. AP quickly took the fact check down, with a spokesperson saying the story, “didn’t go through our standard editing process.” But the damage was done; everyone’s wondering what the deal is between Vance and furniture.
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“The role of journalism right now is so important,” Colbert said, “So I want to salute the Associated Press for their report today: ‘J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch.’”
Colbert continued, “The sofa-stooping allegations get disturbingly specific. See, according to one tweet, in his book, J.D. Vance described having sex with a rubber glove secured between cushions on his couch. Where does someone even get an idea like that? I blame those filthy IKEA instructions.”
With mock seriousness, Colbert dismissed the rumor, insisting, “Of course not. J.D. Vance is a very religious conservative. He knows it’s Adam and Eve, not Raymour and Flanigan.”
“This just shows how big a problem misinformation can be,” Colbert added. “Even a well-meaning fact check can wind up amplifying a false story. So all of us, all of us, please, we have a responsibility to stop the spread of vicious rumors, like…”
Colbert turned directly to camera and said, “J.D. Vance had sex with a couch.”
According to Vox, however, Vance did not say he had sex with a couch. The outlet referred to pages 179 to 180 of Vance’s memoir, noting, “All they’d find is Vance talking about his time at Ohio State University.”
Although Colbert seems aware of this fact, he still continued along with the joke that Vance definitely did not have sex with a couch.
“It’s simply not true, which is why we have to refuse to use the hashtag #CushionPushinJDVance,” Colbert said. “And that’s why I certainly won’t ever perform the juvenile chant: ‘J.D. Vance is sittin’ on a couch, his peepee hit the zipper and ouch.’”
Colbert pointed out how AP withdrew the fact check, and argued that it “could only mean one of two things: Either the original story does not meet the AP’s rigorous standards or... J.D. Vance had sex with a couch.”
