If Broadway-style programs had been handed out at Donald Trump’s recent rally in Pittsburgh, a slip of paper would have fluttered to the floor announcing, “In this performance, the role of Ivanka Trump will be played by Megyn Kelly.”
Kelly’s star turn onstage appeared to resolve a long-standing feud between the former President and the former Fox News host. And in an unlikely twist, it was Trump who blinked. So why did he extend an olive branch to Kelly instead of, say, Nikki Haley? Both women have prostrated themselves in front of the Trump altar to get back in his good graces, despite being the focus of many a pointed Trump barb.
But Kelly offers something that Haley does not.
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Until a few days ago, the Trump campaign had seemed to signal they didn’t need women to win. Their base was a diverse coalition of young men, middle-aged men, and old men, mostly uneducated but with a few Harvard billionaires sprinkled in—Bill Ackman, John Paulsen, Blackstone’s Stephen A. Schwarzman, and Mark Pincus.
At the now-infamous Madison Square Garden rally the week before, that bro-fest was on full display. Amid two dozen speakers, only one woman addressed the crowd: Trump lawyer Alina Habba, who strutted out in a Jezebel red jumpsuit and sparkly MAGA bomber jacket and proceeded to prove that women can be as rhetorically ugly as men.
Soon after that rally, early voting data started to roll in. The numbers for GOP voters seemed solid—better than in 2020–but with one incongruity: Women were voting in greater numbers than men. Trump staffers must have grown concerned that their oversight of half the American electorate was a problem and determined that, in the final sprint, campaign events would feature more of the fairer sex.
In Pittsburgh, the newly-Republican Tulsi Gabbard and the newly sleek Sarah Huckabee Sanders each had their moment to shine. They did the job appealing to suburban moms, but neither exuded glamour. And Trump needed something that stirs men’s souls. Something that Habba, Gabbard, Sanders, Elise Stefanik, Kristi Noem, Kari Lake, nor even Melania herself could provide. Trump needed a cool blonde.
(Did he actually bark at his advisers—“I need a blonde!”—like he was placing a fast food order? We don’t know, but it sure rings true.)
Ivanka Trump had filled this role splendidly in the past. Unfortunately for her father, the First Daughter removed herself from politics at the beginning of his 2024 campaign.
Trump’s second string daughter Tiffany was there, eager to serve and yes, extremely blond. But she remains an understudy at best; her performance at a 2020 Pride event in Florida was so bad that, if you watched it live, you’re probably still cringing now.
Lara Trump, Eric’s wife and co-chairman of the Republican National Committee could have perhaps fit the bill, but she comes across as more cold than cool.
So then, Trump was forced to look outside the family to find the right hair apparent. And Kelly’s podcast had been broadcasting her fealty with the subtly of a five-year old with “pick me” energy parading herself before a birthday party magician, shouting, “Me! Me! Me!”
It worked.
When she worked at Fox News, Kelly had actually bucked Roger Ailes’ preferences for girly femininity. But after her humiliating-slash-wildly-lucrative failure at NBC News—and despite a moment provoking Putin with bare shoulders— Kelly found herself in no-woman’s land. (She launched a podcast.)
When she took the stage for this comeback moment, Kelly literally welcomed her old adversary with open arms. There was an air kiss. Gone were the days when she would have lambasted him on social media, or he’d have slammed her debate-moderating skills by saying she’d had “blood coming out of her wherever.”
Like Ivanka, Kelly showed a little skin. Her eyelashes were fluttering and her hair was soft and long, with cheerleader-worthy extensions. Standing next to Trump, she oozed MAGA’s vision of 1950’s womanhood. Of course she’s a trained lawyer with millions in the bank, but she was there to serve her man.
“Can you believe the energy and the stamina of this guy? At his age?” she opened, seemingly marveling over Trump‘s presence. She didn‘t give him the full Arnold Palmer treatment, but the message was clear: This guy could go all night.
As she continued to rail against immigrants, trans kids and Mark Cuban, Trump stood to the side and beamed. She said he would protect women, of course, but added that he would also work hard for “our forgotten boys and our forgotten men.” Yes, don’t forget the historically-ignored men!
For all of the ensuing pulchritudes, Kelly as Ivanka lacked the natural softness of the real-deal. When she attacked Oprah for, wait for it, judging people, her tone was tinged with the bitterness of someone who made a run at becoming a daytime TV queen and fell short. At other times, she sounded preachy. But if this was an audition for a future President Trump’s Communications Director, she nailed it.
When she finished her speech to thunderous applause, Kelly received a thumbs up from Trump. The two hugged again and Trump lingered a moment, holding her hands in a fatherly way. She wasn’t Ivanka, but she would do.
Kelly must have slept well that night, knowing that she’s out of the doghouse and, if Trump wins, on her way to the White House.
