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Dad-olescents

Forget the Porsche. For today’s man, the answer to midlife angst is to act like a sullen teenager. Just ask Jon Gosselin.

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As his marriage headed toward divorce this year, Jon Gosselin started regressing into behavior more suited to one of his many children. Reality television’s most famous soon-to-be divorcé has a 22-year-old girlfriend, a two-seater sports car, and a swanky New York City bachelor pad. On one episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight, Gosselin—who’s taken to exclusively sporting cubic zirconium stud earrings and garish Ed Hardy wear—denied his change in lifestyle was indicative of a midlife crisis. “I've always liked motorcycles and cars and fast things and I have four tattoos. This is who I'm gonna be,” he said. Parents— they just don’t understand.

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Kevin Federline was one of Britney Spears’ backup dancers before he wed the pop star in 2004, and during his time in the spotlight he released the infamous rap single “PopoZão" and made a guest appearance in the WWE. After their chaotic divorce three years later, Federline, who dresses like a teenager, had to give back his flashy Ferrari but received custody of the couple’s two sons and $20,000 a month in child support (scoring him some points for responsibility). Since then, however, K-Fed’s packed on the pounds (eating his pain?), which he’ll try to shed on the upcoming season of VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club. Evidently, his bowling team—named “The Party Animals”—wasn’t giving him the workout he needed. Nor was going one-on-one with his new girlfriend.

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As the longtime boyfriend of the late Farrah Fawcett, Ryan O’Neal gained a reputation as an untrustworthy partner and irresponsible father. In 1997, Fawcett found O’Neal in bed with a 25-year-old actress on Valentine’s Day, according to a recent interview with Vanity Fair. Other parental lowlights? In 2007, he was arrested on assault and weapons charges over claims he fired a gun at his troubled son, Griffin—who has said his father gave him cocaine when he was 11. (Ryan O’Neal’s lawyers disputed the claim, but the actor admits he is a “hopeless father.”) Then at Farrah’s funeral earlier this year, O’Neal made the biggest gaffe of all, and accidentally hit on his own daughter. “I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blond woman comes up and embraces me,” he told the magazine. “…She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me—Tatum!’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.”

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Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz may be a new dad, but he seems reluctant to abandon his wild ways. The 30-year-old married Ashlee Simpson-Wentz last year and only a few months later the couple became parents. This week, while his wife (who just fired from Melrose Place) was home taking care of their son, Bronx, who had a 101-degree fever, the heavily tattooed rocker was living it up at two parties. And in an interview with Howard Stern in 2008, Wentz sounded like a teenage bragging about his sex life. “It was the single best sexual encounter I’ve ever had,” he said of the first time he and Ashlee had sex. “We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, ‘Oh my God, you’re banging the girl of your dreams and you’re watching it right now.’”

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Many still think of Bob Saget as the dorky, neurotic father from the ‘90s sitcom Full House, but in real life, the comedian couldn’t be more different from his alter ego. After concluding his role as Danny Tanner, Saget made cameos in films like the stoner comedy Half-Baked and is known for his standup routines riddled with profanity. “When I shot the HBO special in New York, I didn’t want any of my daughters there,” he said. “I put them on a plane to go see their grandparents.” It seems unlikely the 53-year-old will grow up anytime soon— his Web site blasts the rap song “Rollin’ With Saget,” calling him the “coolest mutha***** in a cardigan sweater.”

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Levi Johnston, 19, rose to fame last year when news broke he’d be making Sarah Palin a grandmother. After impregnating Bristol Palin, the Alaskan teen dished to Vanity Fair about his contentious relationship with the former vice-presidential candidate. Since then, Johnston has been trying nearly anything to extend his 15 minutes of fame, pursuing a book deal, modeling gigs, and appearing in a pistachio ad proclaiming “Levi Johnston does it with protection.” Next month, he’s posing in Playgirl magazine because, he says, “I just get naked. It’s what I do.” His manager Tank Jones says he’s “90 percent sure” that Johnston will go full frontal. Say this about Levi though—he may be a dadolescent, but at least he’s barely out of actual adolescence.

Courtesy of GQ
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Lindsay Lohan’s father has a turbulent past that began in the 1980s when he was sentenced to four years in prison for his involvement in a stock-fraud case. Since then, he’s served additional time for violating his probation, drunken driving, and fighting in public with his brother-in-law. “I feel like a second parent in the sense that I helped raise my family,” Lindsay once told Allure magazine. These days, he’s kept busy Tweeting and appearing on Maury Povich to talk about his daughter’s alleged addiction to prescription pills. Lindsay’s response? “He should instead try to be a real father.”

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In recent years, alcohol poisoning has landed former Baywatch star David Hasselhoff in the hospital multiple times. Hasselhoff’s 17-year-old daughter Hayley is now the responsible one in the family, and had to report The Hoff’s drunken antics to her mother. This month, TMZ said the America’s Got Talent host, who regularly parodies himself in music videos, was trying to organize an A&E reality show with Hayley and his other daughter, 19-year-old Taylor. Hopefully, the show will be more successful than the last time he tried to align himself with the young’uns by creating a social-networking site called HoffSpace.

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Charlie Sheen has long had a reputation as a bad boy with a penchant for attractive women. Many of whom are not the woman he is married to. He’s dated porn stars and been wed three times—most famously to Denise Richards, with whom he has two daughters. After having twins with his third wife, Brooke Muller, Sheen may be settling down to domestic life—the Major League star reportedly wants to build his own baseball field in his backyard, complete with a “snack shack.” 

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Sure, he may appear to be the ultimate family man now, but Brad Pitt still finds youthful ways to entertain himself. Pitt has quite an impressive collection of motorcycles, including a Ducati Desmosedici RR, a Monster 696, a few Harley-Davidson choppers, and a custom-made chrome bike—which he crashed this month. And in true Jon Gosselin style, Pitt also enjoys taking a spin on ATVs—he’s even been spotted towing his son Maddox around on a four-wheeler.

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Tina Fey has often said the fictitious Tracy Jordan character on 30 Rock takes real-life inspiration from former SNL funnyman Tracy Morgan, who is known for his outrageous outbursts. Two years ago, he took off his shirt during an interview and slapped his exposed belly, and most recently, he’s called out SNL castmate Cheri Oteri for not being friendly to him on the set. It’s hard to believe he has three sons, especially when his Twitter includes comments like “For $15 I’ll induce your labor” and “having a cheeseburger deluxe and diet coke at 9am—breakfast of champions.”

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Stephen Baldwin just can’t resist appearing on reality television: He’s been a contestant on Fear Factor, The Apprentice, and most recently, I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! The born-again father of two is also friends with the ultimate teenybopper star—Miley Cyrus. The unlikely pair met at the White House, where Cyrus dared Baldwin to get Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed on his body, saying if he did, she’d allow him to appear on her Disney show. He obliged. We hope it was worth it, Steve.

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He rose to fame as part of the raunchy music duo Tenacious D, but comedian Jack Black has since garnered a reputation for being all about the kids. He’s starred in the family-friendly School of Rock and Kung Fu Panda and has two children of his own. Hosting the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards (twice) has caused his fan base to slightly shift. “I don’t think I’ve lost them, but they’re ashamed to say they like me,” he said. “It’s a real elitist kind of thing. But as long as they like me in secret, then I’m still partying.”

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Despite being the patriarch of a family of five, Todd Palin seems to be a kid at heart. The "first dude" to former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is a champion snow-machine racer. But his love of the sport has sometimes gone a little overboard. In 2008, while competing in the 2,000-mile Tesoro Iron Dog race, he was thrown 70 feet from his machine when it hit a snow-covered barrel. His side activities include coaching youth hockey and basketball, and judging the 2008 Miss Alaska pageant.

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