“Are you shitting me?” Trevor Noah asked when he learned that some of the classified documents taken from Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort may have been related to nuclear weapons. The Daily Show host went on to say that the “worst-case scenario” would be that Trump sold the documents to Saudi Arabia while the “best-case scenario is that he just lay in bed with them and rubbed them all over his naked body,” before joking that he may have those flipped.
According to the former president, the FBI “stole” his passports along with removing the top secret documents, and Noah could understand why that made him angry. “I mean, he’s the guy who wanted to build the wall,” he explained, “and now he’s going to need to sneak into Mexico. Karma’s a bitch!”
The “most fun” part of this particular scandal, Noah said, has been watching how hard Trump and his allies are working to “invent new excuses for why this crime wasn’t a crime.” First, they insisted that the FBI wouldn’t find anything incriminating, then they accused the agents of “planting” them. Now, Trump is saying that he was just taking his work home with him.
ADVERTISEMENT
“It’s not ‘taking work home with you’ if you no longer have the job,” the host argued. “Like, if you get fired from your babysitting job but you still go pick up the kid from school… that’s just kidnapping.”
As for Trump’s attempt to smear Barack Obama for supposedly doing the same thing, Noah said, said “even if that was true, these people have spent the past 15 years saying Obama is basically the devil, but then when they get in trouble, they say, ‘It’s fine, we basically did the same thing as the devil!’”
Next, Trump claimed that he “declassified” all of the documents in question before taking them home. “That’s an interesting excuse,” Noah said. “Anything Trump took home with him was automatically declassified.” The host said that he’s heard this excuse before from people who get busted for having an affair: “They’ll be like, ‘Actually, I didn’t cheat on you because I’d already broken up with you in my mind.’”
But the excuse that really made Noah laugh was that Trump had to move out of the White House so quickly that he accidentally took top secret files with him. “Oh my god, this is the greatest excuse of all time,” he replied. “Trump’s people are saying because he didn’t think he was leaving the White House, he packed in a hurry. Yeah, he was so busy planning the coup, he didn’t even think about packing, is that what happened.”
He imagined Trump saying, “Guys, I wasn’t trying to steal these documents, I was trying to steal the election!”
For more, listen and subscribe to The Last Laugh podcast.
