“This is the American dream, baby!” Hasan Minhaj said at the top of his first episode as guest host of The Daily Show Monday night. “I worked here for five years just so I could substitute-teach for a week.”
The former correspondent and host of Netflix’s Patriot Act began by explaining that he should probably be talking about pressing issues like the war in Ukraine, the train derailment in Ohio, or the earthquake in Turkey. “But apparently, the biggest story in the newspaper is on the comics page.”
Minhaj was, of course, talking about the racist rant from Dilbert creator Scott Adams that has led to papers all over the country dropping the comic strip once and for all.
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“Oh my Fod!” he said in response to Adams’ advice that white people “get the hell away from” Black people. “He just kept going! He was like, ‘Black people are a hate group, white people should stay away from Black people, I stay away from Black people.’ And Kanye heard this and was like, ‘Whoa, my brother, pace yourself.’”
From there, Minhaj looked directly into the camera and told viewers he had to be “honest” with them about something. “It’s been a minute since we’ve talked,” he said. “And I’ve rubbed shoulders with the Illuminati.”
This newfound experience, he explained, has taught him an important lesson about a “certain type of rich person.” Namely, “When they don’t have problems of their own, they have to make up problems just to make their lives interesting.”
“I can guarantee you, J.K. Rowling had zero opinions about trans people when she was on welfare,” he joked. This is why “we need a wealth tax,” Minhaj added, and not for “any of that Bernie shit.”
“Rich people, this is for your own good,” he continued. “The wealth tax is actually a shut-the-fuck-up tax.”
For more, listen to Hasan Minhaj on The Last Laugh podcast.
