Trevor Noah was excited to watch Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s surprise press conference on Wednesday, mostly because he wanted to hear what his voice sounded like.
“You realize, we haven’t heard from him, ever,” The Daily Show host said. “Think about it. This guy was in the news for two years and never said a word. For all we know, Robert Mueller could talk like a minion.”
And when Noah finally heard what Mueller had to say, he was far from satisfied. Because Justice Department policy precludes the indictment of a sitting president, Mueller said that deeming President Trump guilty of a crime was not an option. At the same time, he added, “If we had had confidence the president clearly did not commit a crime we would have said so.”
ADVERTISEMENT
“Wait, what?” Noah asked. “‘If Trump did not commit a crime, we would have said so?’ So Trump did commit a crime? Or did he just not not commit a crime? Robert Mueller, why don’t you just speak English? Even Yoda would be like, ‘Report confusing you make.’”
“The press conference was so confusing,” the host continued. “Mueller might as well have just come out and said, ‘OK, you have a chicken and a fox and a boat and on the other side is obstruction.’”
But as “confusing” as Mueller’s words may have been, Noah said that “most people agree that the underlying message was clear” but “hidden.”
He compared it to asking someone you’re about to have sex with if they have herpes and they reply, “Well, if I had confidence that I did not have herpes, I would have said so.”
“You’d be like, OK, this motherfucker has herpes,” he added before lamenting that fact that Robert Mueller is refusing to “just come out and say that the president has obstruction herpes.”
For more, listen to this week’s episode of The Last Laugh podcast with former Daily Show correspondent Jordan Klepper:
