While speeding off with a $314-million box-office-debut this weekend, Fast & Furious 6 pulled out loads of tricks. Crazy special effects. A wise-cracking script. Cars crashing into tanks crashing into planes that were already crashing. But the biggest trick of them all: the Rock. Once again, Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson solidifies his status as the franchise savior, the master of rescuing series stuck with their wheels spinning. Fast Five, The Mummy Returns, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, and G.I. Joe: Retaliation—the Rock not only ignited a spark plug of energy into the stale franchises but also, in almost every case, made them more financially successful than ever. What other franchises could the Rock save? We imagined the possibilities …
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The resurrection of Carrie Bradshaw and her Manolo-strutting contemporaries in the 2008 film version of the hit HBO series was a critical and box-office smash. The 2010 sequel, however, saw all that good will dry up amidst a ridiculous Abu Dhabi-sojourn plot and corresponding poor-taste jokes about the “Lawrence of My Labia.” Star and producer Sarah Jessica Parker recently teased that a third movie “would be wonderful.” So would a featured part for the Rock. It writes itself: “Sometimes, you don’t even realize you’re hungry for love until you smell what the Rock is cooking.”
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The hopes and dreams of the world’s most passionate superfans are on the shoulders of J.J. Abrams as he prepares to reboot the Star Wars franchise—particularly when one considers what a creative embarrassment the film’s prequels proved to be. What a heroic move it would be, then, for Abrams to begin his foray into a galaxy far, far away by casting the Rock as a time-traveling assassin hired to snuff out Jar Jar Binks and the memory of all the stink he laid on the franchise.
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Ninety minutes of the Rock trying not to step on the Smurfs is already a more entertaining plotline than anything the first two films put on screen.
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“Hi I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is wrestling with the Rock.” The merry band of idiots, led by Bozo-in-chief Knoxville, have participated in a number of dangerous, disgusting, and otherwise debaucheries in the course of the MTV franchise’s first four movies: walking a tightrope over a pool of alligators with raw chicken in their underwear, strapping themselves to rockets, or sitting in a Porta Potty as it’s slingshot into the air. But for sheer entertainment value, putting the gang of degenerates in the ring with the actual People’s Champion would trump all that.
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Reports that Renee Zellweger will return for a third love quest have been swirling for years. According to some whispers, one of the biggest holdups is Zellweger’s aversion to putting on the weight again. But if there’s one man who knows a thing or two about bulking up, it’s the Rock. As a bonus, he could beat the crap out of Colin Firth.
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After three films, Stu, Phil, and Alan thought they had been through everything. But they’ve never partied with the Rock.
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Tim Allen did an admirable job voicing Buzz Lightyear in the Toy Story trilogy. But should Pixar greenlight a fourth installment, let the lobbying begin now to have the Rock take over the role. And as a live-action Buzz, to boot. Let’s be honest: not even the most cutting-edge technology can create anything as animated as the Rock’s signature arching of the eyebrow.
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Edward and Bella knew that getting pregnant with a half-vampire baby would be dangerous. But as Twihards know all too well, they didn’t know how dangerous until the birth of little Renesmee. Starring Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson as Renesmee.
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