In a viral essay titled “I Had an Affair With My College Dean,” a female former Stanford University student revealed that she led an “affair” and “double life” with her college dean—who has been revealed to be Palo Alto politico and bestselling author, Julie Lythcott-Haims, 58.
Published July 10 on Autostraddle, 2011 Stanford grad Olivia Swanson Haas, who describes herself as a “bisexual writer,” wrote that she was 22 years old when she became involved with Lythcott-Haims, who would then have been about 42 years old. Haas said the experience was “a lot” for her to deal with at that age.
“Especially in this particular collegiate environment,” Haas wrote in her essay. “Going through the pomp and circumstance of senior year, meanwhile secretly sleeping with one of the most public figures on campus.”
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Haas did not name Lythcott-Haims directly in the essay, but the description of her former dean’s academic background and status as a “school celebrity” reportedly led many readers to connect the dots.
Contacted for comment by Palo Alto Online, Lythcott-Haims confirmed in a statement that she is the dean mentioned in the essay and called the affair “inappropriate.”
“We’d been writing and recording music together and got to a point where we expressed love for each other,” claimed Lythcott-Haims, who was married to the father of her two children during the affair. “That is where it should have ended.”
However, Haas recounts their relationship as more of a teachable moment for her life. “We told ourselves she was teaching me how to love myself, how to act on my desires,” she wrote.
Lythcott-Haims said she was not in a position of authority over Haas’ grades or academic status at the university, and the affair continued until Haas’ parents quietly informed Stanford’s higher ups about the situation and Lythcott-Haims resigned.
“Yes, she should have known better,” wrote Haas. “And yet, I had agency. She showed poor judgment. And I made poor choices. She misused her power. She made me feel beautiful.”
Lythcott-Haims said she privately apologized to Haas years ago and encouraged her to share the story of their relationship whenever she was ready.
“Now I want to publicly apologize to her for my actions and their impact on her,” said Lythcott-Haims. “I also apologize to my former colleagues and students who had the right to expect better of me. And to members of my extended family for whom the public airing of this matter may be difficult.”
Stanford University reportedly declined to comment about the circumstances surrounding Lythcott-Haims’ departure. In an email to Palo Alto Online, the university’s director of media relations said the university’s policy “prohibits consensual relationships between undergraduates and faculty or certain staff roles, including deans, coaches, advisers and others.”
