In yesterday’s episode of Red Table Talk, a Facebook (Meta?) show where Jada Pinkett Smith tackles current social and cultural issues with an intergenerational perspective, Smith said pornography has “really messed us up” because it almost exclusively focuses on the man’s pleasure. Her guest Gwyneth Paltrow agrees, saying another reason why pornography is bad for women is because it gives the message to young women that being sexually desirable is the most important trait to have. But this is all nonsense.
Here’s the truth: Absolutely none of that is backed up by science or data. 70 percent of women watch porn at least a few times a month, according to this survey. And they are smart enough to know the difference between fantasy and reality.
Have you ever stopped to consider the benefits of porn? We hear so much about how bad porn is, when the opposite has proven to be true. Women who view pornography report higher sexual satisfaction in nearly every measure. They have improved communication about sex with their partner, greater comfort with their own sexual orientation, more frequent and higher-quality sex, easier time reaching orgasm, and more comfort with their body. Sounds pretty great, right? Watching porn has also correlated with a stronger desire for sex with your partner. Women who view porn are even more knowledgeable about their own genital anatomy.
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If you’re doing it right, porn-watching can lead to orgasms. Orgasms have a multitude of health benefits reducing stress, improving sleep quality, even enhancing immunity, according to various studies.
The real harm of porn, Jada and Gwyneth, is the shame you’re perpetuating. There are precious few resources out there for us to learn about sex, so we turn to porn. It’s not the best solution, but there’s nothing wrong with it. Guess what? Humans like watching other humans have sex. I don’t understand why Jada and Gwyneth want to make us ashamed of something 98 percent of men and 73 percent of women between the ages of 18 to 35 have done in the past 6 months. There’s nothing I can think of that we do more but talk about less than porn. What’s the real issue here? It’s much easier to blame porn than the fact that society has made us so ashamed of our bodies and our sexuality that we can’t even talk to our partners about what turns us on.
The true, scientifically documented negative impact of porn is the shame we have around watching it. Frequent feelings of shame put people at risk for depression and anxiety disorders, and increase the risk of substance-abuse disorders. Plus, Jada’s show airs on Facebook and Gwyneth is in charge of goop, both of which have come under fire for harmful practices and, in the case of the former, destroying democracy.
The reality is that the lion’s share of the people demonizing and shaming porn use know very little about it, which brings me to my next point: You don’t know shit about porn.
Many think that the world of porn only consists of one or two mainstream sites. When I entered this industry, I believed many of the things Jada and Gwyneth said. And wow, has my mind been blown. First off, there’s a whole landscape of cool women filmmakers out there—from Erika Lust to Shine Louise Houston at PinkLabel.TV to Kayden Kross at Deeper. All of us are trying to create a vision of the kind of porn we want to see in the world. There’s also female execs at top companies, from Bree Mills at Adult Time to Kelly Holland at Penthouse Global Media. The working conditions and respect women receive working in porn are better than those of many industries Jada, Gwen, and all of us patronize every day. When I started afterglow, I was an outsider who believed the narrative that women in porn were frequently exploited or trafficked. But now I know that nothing could be further from the truth, and we need to break down this stereotype. Performers are treated the worst by the judgments of those outside the industry.
So, Jada and Gwyneth: Check us out. Give porn a chance. I think you’d be surprised by the benefits.
