New Jersey issued the most blatantly terrifying evacuation warning of all time to its residents. (Paraphrase: You will die if you stay, and you will die a selfish person because you didn’t “think about the rescue/recovery teams who will rescue you if you are injured or recover your remains if you do not survive.” Mayor Bloomberg was less concerned with instilling the fear of God into city residents with his advice: “Stay hunkered in to your home and have a sandwich out of the fridge and sit back and watch television.”
While the wisest and most logical of us in the tri-state area heeded officials’ warnings, whether fleeing to Grandma’s upstate or locking ourselves indoors and finally starting that Downton Abbey Netflix marathon we’ve been craving for months, an illustrious population of boneheads could be counted on to go outside and get stupid. We’ve rounded up a Hall of Fame of the biggest Hurricane Sandy doofuses. Enjoy!
‘Hurricane Horse’
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While you were stocking up on water and staying away from windows to be safe in the storm, this guy went out for a jog in Washington, D.C., with no shirt on and a horse mask on his head. Hilarious hurricane hero? Drunk idiot? Either way, the shirtless jogging horseman has just become Sandy’s mascot and Wednesday’s most topical Halloween costume.
Jet Skiing in New York Harbor
With Hurricane Sandy just 90 minutes from making landfall on New York, this genius took his Jet Ski out in Manhattan’s New York Harbor. To recap, forecasters call for surges of six to 11 feet and unprecedented wind speeds, and this man heads out into the waters on a vessel that appears the size of a rubber duckie next to those waves. Summed up New York City Council Speaker Christine Quinn: the man is “out of his mind … out of his ever-loving mind.”
New Jersey Jet Skier
Rising water levels caused entire streets to flood in Manasquan, N.J. Rather than accept the weather-mandated house arrest and watch Bravo’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon like the rest of Manasquan’s residents, this fella hopped on his Jet Ski and rode up and down the unsafe waters.
These Dancing Queens
CNN reporter Ali Velshi stands in the middle of an Atlantic City street while end of days–like weather rages around him as he alerts viewers that conditions are so dangerous in the city that a curfew will be enacted in less than an hour. Cue the obligatory dancing bros, blatantly ignoring every warning to stay indoors so they could photo-bomb (video-bomb) a CNN report with their shirtless boogie moves.
This CNN clip taken on a flooded street on Long Island serves up a buffet of buffoonery. There’s the family in a rowboat with their dog, making their way down the street. But watch out! They may hit that man who is scuba diving right in front of them. (Not to mention that kayaker …) If that’s not enough, there’s the kicker: some Long Island Lance Armstrong trying to ride his bike through the waters. WATCH VIDEO.
For most of us, the biggest adventure of the day involved braving Sandy’s winds to head to the corner store to pick up one last six-pack and bag of Cheetos—just in case. These kite boarders, on the other hand, stood on tiny wooden planks that zoomed faster than the speed of a car through the water before launching them 15 feet in the air. We’re all adventurers today. WATCH VIDEO.
The Producers Who Sent This Guy to Seaside Heights
We get it. It’s raining. A lot. Watching this poor sap stand in all of that of rain saying, “Here I am, it’s raining a lot,” is not beneficial to anybody. Now someone help this weather guy indoors and give him some soup. And a raise. WATCH VIDEO.
“What are you doing out here on a motorcycle!?” asked an understandably flabbergasted weather reporter for NBC 4 New York who drew the short straw and was sent to do man-on-the-street reporting with the Einsteins who refused to evacuate the beach town of Long Branch, N.J. “It’s getting a little extreme, so I think it’s time to call it quits,” he tells the reporter, as the two are forced to embrace each other to keep from being knocked down by the winds. Yet this guy was, just seconds before, out on a motorcycle. “I almost fell!” he says, shocking us all. WATCH VIDEO.
