ISTANBUL, Turkey—Hidden behind a pair of heavy black curtains on the underground floor of a bar in Kadiköy district, a group of no more than 30 people—both men and women—drink, chat and socialize for the first time in almost a year. These are only a few of the more than 500 members of Istanbul’s highly secret but rising BDSM community.
The light in the room is dim, but the voices are loud, sometimes overcoming the remixed international pop songs that play on the speakers. Smaller groups of people are gathered around different tables, passionately discussing BDSM. These meetings are called BDSM munches, where “masters” and “slaves” get to know each other under the same roof.
My insider is a master, a strong red-headed woman, a dominatrix. We first met during one of my past trips to Istanbul. Back then I had no idea about her personal lifestyle nor any connection with BDSM, until she recently invited me to attend a munch. Although her boyfriend is a master too, she has three men under her command. “I have three slaves,” she proudly tells me. Having more people wanting to be your sex slave is a sign of power and a thoughtful master. Though the more you have, the harder it gets for you. “It’s exhausting to be responsible for so many people,” she admits.
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On the back wall a projector plays a black and white Charlie Chaplin movie on YouTube. Not too long ago YouTube was repeatedly blocked in Turkey.
The munch is organized in complete secrecy and the attendees are all on a list. The invitations were sent personally to each member on Twitter. When I asked why, they told me, “As you know Facebook is not safe. They sell our privacy details. We have Instagram accounts, but it's not interactive. Twitter is the most common social media in our generation who are well educated.”
They all wear a name tag on their shirt given to them by the organizers upon their arrival. ANON (unknown), NEPTUN, SATURN, JANET. These are not their real names. Very few people in this room use their actual names. Most of them are listed by the nickname they use on social media or BDSM-related websites, such as FetLife.com.
“It is for our safety,” they tell me.
While BDSM is not officially illegal in Turkey, participants are justifiably fearful. They live in a country where, according to the Human Rights Watch report for 2018, tens of thousands have been arrested and prosecuted on terrorism charges in the aftermath of a failed coup against President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan. And other sexual minorities, particularly members of the LGBT community, have been routinely harassed and targeted.
“If police knew we are down here now, they would come and arrest us all, even though we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re just people chatting,” says one of the oldest members of the community who would prefer not to reveal his name. “They would invent something and send us to jail. They would say that we are a terrorist group or something, because they don’t want these things to exist in Turkey,” he explains.
For that reason, it is not easy to be invited into the community. It’s a matter of trust. The easiest way—and the safest for both sides—is if you already know a member who can open the doors for you. If you’re new to this, however, it takes a little bit longer and a couple of meetings with the organizers first, before you get your free pass and are allowed to meet the others.
At these meetings you can either belong to someone or have others under your command. You can also attend as a free bird ready to be caged, or to find one to cage. One after the other, the members stand up in the middle of the room, introduce themselves and speak about their connection to BDSM. That way they start learning a little bit more one about the other, and eventually, find their missing half.
“Ever since I am sexually active, my point of view to sexuality and pleasure is increasingly getting different. In this personal discovery process, thanks to my new partner, I noticed that what I experienced before is in the BDSM checklist. But I didn’t know that there is a culture. In my sexual discovery which is mentored by my partner, I realized that I am dominant and I am getting sexual pleasure from dominating other people,” says one of the members.
But it’s not just a way to expand your social circle or find a partner. These meetings also have informative purposes. Through personal experiences and research the older members of the community give their insights to the newcomers. Many have very little knowledge on BDSM practices and just follow their instincts. For the organizers though, it’s very crucial for people to learn more about what they do and be educated on it.
It has been too long since the last time they all got together, Hassan, a 30-year-old bisexual guy tells me. Depending on the situation, he likes both to dominate and be dominated. When I ask him how something like that is possible, he recalls one time when he found himself in a very weird situation. While he was in a master-slave relationship with a man, his master asked him to dominate another woman during their sexual intercourse. And Hassan had to oblige. So in a single night he was both a master and a slave.
As we talk, he gives me the backstory of the group. The last organizers were very inconsistent and kept the community enclosed. Without routine or fresh members, this led to old members dropping out and the organizers losing their excitement. Soon, the community was left without a leader. It’s a huge responsibility and a great risk to be the head of a community like this in Turkey, everyone admits.
The new organizers are a couple in their late thirties who took up the role last autumn and are very serious about it. Apart from munches, they started organizing workshops, group discussions, book reading days, etc. “By transferring our knowledge we tried to thrive” the couple tells me. “The biggest fear of BDSM volunteers is stigma. But the new generation is acting really brave on this.”
All of the members have their daily jobs. They are doctors, lawyers, waiters, academics. Typical people like everyone else. Only behind the closed doors of their private space they feel free to express their deepest desires. Often they meet up at a member’s home and perform BDSM acts like bondage, mummification, etc. It’s always up to the other person’s pain limit and preferences.
As I listen to each of the members speak, it’s surprising how easily and openly these people speak about their more intimate preferences. In many ways, people with more “mainstream” sexual preferences would find it far more difficult to talk to a group about what they like and dislike than for these people to open up about their less accepted desires. For many of the BDSM members though, it is not just about sex. It’s more like a lifestyle.
Although they are constantly afraid they might end up in jail, at the same time they want their community to have the visibility they deserve. Last summer they were planning to attend Istanbul’s Pride Parade as an official group. The parade was once again banned by Turkish officials for the fourth year in a row and they weren’t ready to defy the ban like others did and confront with the police. “It was too risky,” the organizers say.
Similar communities exist also in Ankara, Turkey’s capital, and Izmir, a popular vacation spot on the Aegean Sea. The organizers there are different but they all connect with each other. Istanbul’s community however is the largest in the country. As of today they count 530 members.
More and more people are slowly realizing that their personal fantasies belong to the BDSM spectrum and try to explore the area.
“After the movie Fifty Shades of Grey was in theaters, more people were interested in this,” they tell me. This means that new members are always being added to the community.
As the number is gradually rising they plan to have a stronger presence in the future. They recently launched a website in the Turkish language which gives information to anyone who is interested in learning more about BDSM but doesn’t have the means to do so. “We are also planning to make scientific studies according to BDSM and kinky lifestyle in Turkey,” they say.
As I watch my friend move and interact with people in this world, I can’t help but think about how I’m in a land where sultans ruled for centuries with harems full of women. Today, it’s often the women who secretly dominate the men.
*Names have been removed to protect the people mentioned.
