“Best Sex I Ever Had.” It is, all things considered, among the most far-fetched and hyper-exaggerated covers in the New York Post’s caricature-ish canon. Yes, on a dark, dark day in 1990, something possessed then-Donald Trump mistress Marla Maples to make the bold claim that her fox-haired lover was quite the demon in the sack. The boast has since been corroborated by a former Penthouse Pet, who was apparently stolen away on a romantic date to Ray Bari Pizza—super classy—by The Donald before bumping uglies at her Upper West Side apartment. Gross.
With that being said, for those in need of a good, hearty chuckle, Trump has finally joined the ranks of Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton before him in receiving the porn parody treatment. On August 14, Donald Tramp – The XXX Parody was released online at WoodRocket.com. WoodRocket is the world’s premier porn parody production factory, responsible for the raunchy send-ups Game of Bones, Bob’s Boners, and Spongebob Squarenuts, among others.
The architect of WoodRocket is Lee Roy Myers, the David O. Selznick of porn parodies, and he’s been cooking up his Donald Trump sex-fest since the real estate magnate announced his candidacy for president with his infamous immigrants are “rapists” speech.
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“The more of a Trump Show it becomes out there, the more silly his statements become,” Myers tells The Daily Beast. “As it’s grown, we’ve really felt like there was a need to spoof him. Because of what WoodRocket does, spoofing him with penetration seems like the right way to go.”
Donald Tramp opens like an episode of The West Wing, with a series of scenic shots of Washington D.C. Then, we’re led inside a home where The Donald, played by veteran porn actor Dick Chibbles—and sporting an out-there ginger wig—is being grilled by a stunning “moderator” (Trinity St. Clair) about his stance on the issues.“Welcome to one of my many homes built on poor people’s torn-down homes,” Tramp says.
Chibbles, who is six-foot-five, pale, and ginger-adjacent like The Donald, grew up in Brooklyn very aware of all things Trump.
“We knew everything that Donald Trump was doing, who he was dating, and all the Ivana stuff,” says Chibbles, adding, “I don’t really look like Trump, but the makeup artist did such a great job. I haven’t had that great of a job be done since playing Chewbacca in the Star Wars porn parody.”
St. Clair’s moderator proceeds to grill Donald on a number of issues, including sexism (“I love women—except for the fat and ugly ones”), breastfeeding (“boob-sucking should be done int eh privacy of one’s marble-columned, golden eagle statue-filled mansion”), and Bernie Sanders (“he looks like an elderly Rick Moranis”).
“Because we’re parodying Donald Trump and we don’t see him as that charming, he has a moderator—not even an interviewer, because it’s a debate of one—and he’s debating the moderator on issues, and as he goes on, he uses his billionaire bull in a China shop charm to seduce her, just like he did Reelz into taking the Miss USA Pageant,” says Myers. “So they have sex, and it’s exactly what you think it would be. There’s a lot of penetration and some commentary from him about himself, and a lot of puns referring to him being a billionaire. We wanted the sex to be a parody of how Trump would have sex. It’s definitely one of the weirdest things we’ve shot, and we’ve shot a Pokemon porn parody.”For the role of the moderator, Myers thought about using a lookalike of Fox News host Megyn Kelly in light of her recent feud with The Donald, or a Latina actress given his comments about immigrants, but instead opted for Italian performer Trinity St. Clair, who’s worked with Chibbles in the past and was aware of Trump’s penchant for bombast.
“I know about his vulgar comments and everything, and how he’s non-stop on Twitter and everything,” says St. Clair. “You can’t miss his comments or his thoughts on what is going on.”
It proved to be a bit difficult for St. Clair to stay in-character as Chibbles, outfitted with a truly strange ginger wig, performed with her.
“It’s definitely a little out there,” she says. “When he has duck lips in front of your face, you’re like, oh man! Trump is definitely not attractive whatsoever, but honestly, people say he doesn’t have a chance, and I think he totally does. He thinks what he thinks and he’s never really changed his mindset, and he’s very blunt about it.”
Adds Chibbles, “For her to remain not laughing or appalled, like, ‘This guy is really weird-looking,’ must have been difficult.”
A few minutes into the moderated discussion, St. Clair’s character reveals her attraction to The Donald, prompting him to utter, “Good, now let’s have sex while I whisper racist comments in your ear.”“But… aren’t you married?” she asks him. “It’s only wrong if you get caught,” he replies. “And the only ones who get caught are losers.”
And then they get physical. The biggest hurdle for Chibbles was actually keeping that crazy wig on his head. He’d worn a similar wig when he played Ron Swanson in a Parks and Recreation porn parody and knew that he had to glue it a bit in the front to make sure it stayed on there when things went high-speed. And when a wardrobe malfunction nearly occurred, the crisis was averted by some heady improv from Chibbles.“Around two-thirds of the way through, when it started getting hot and heavy, I pulled my tie off and tied the wig around my head like Rambo because I felt it slipping off,” he says.While Chibbles has respect for Trump’s “business sense” and ability to “manipulate the system for his benefit and take advantage of every loophole that there is,” Myers, who wrote and produced the film, is decidedly less of a fan.
“[Trump] can’t back up his statements with a point—just an opinion. A dumb fucking opinion,” says Myers. “The fact is that if a pornographer is calling him out on dumbing things down, I think people that support him probably need to take a second look.”
