A wildling mans his post at the wall, as a light snow begins to fall and the wind howls at his back. A petite redhead joins him, gazing out into the winter tundra, plotting her next move. “The ice wall looks strange this close up redhead Lady Crow. It looks…sticky,” offers the wildling. Sucksa then casually explains why: the wall is made of semen. “[From] all the lonely men standing here for years at a time with nothing to do but polish their swords,” she says without even a hint of a giggle.
From the semen-covered wall to references of white wankers and a white dragon of their own, this WoodRocket/Pornhub collaboration turned Game of Thrones into a raunchier but far less incestuous XXX parody, Game of Bones 2: Winter is Coming Everywhere.
Lee Roy Myers wrote an imaginative script packed with enough pop-culture references that even those who’ve never seen Game of Thrones will get it. “Game of Bones: Winter Came Everywhere was written before Season 8, Episode 1 aired. So it was based on the last episode of Season 7, with a splash of ‘which direction would Season 8 go if they could show penetration?’” says Myers, adding, “Also, I really wanted to show Dany and Jon humping on the back of a dragon.”
Myers, who also helmed an XXX parody of Donald Trump, says he’s seen every Game of Thrones episode and pledges his fandom to the series by saying he’d keep watching new episodes forever if they kept making them, and if he could live forever. And he isn’t demanding HBO redo its eighth and final season. “I actually enjoyed the last episode. I know there are fans that didn’t. And I totally get their disappointment with well-paced character development being tossed out the window, among other things,” says Myers. “I guess I’m just cool with a season of cheap thrills after seven seasons of intense foreplay.”
With cheeky references to the salacious acts Game of Thrones gets away with, the porn parody is pretty tame by comparison. “You know people think we’re related…but this is a porno so you cannot be my nephew. You have to be my step-nephew,” says the Daenerys character, establishing one of porn’s commandments before sex with Jon Blow commences on the dragon. Yes, there was a dragon—a physical dragon puppet that, according to some, stole the show.
“That dragon head was hands-down the best part of the whole parody. The special effects guy they worked with is an artist. I couldn’t get over how awesome it was,” says Donnie Rock, hwo plays Jon Blow. “The photos they posted didn’t do it nearly enough justice.”
Rock managed to embody the role of an X-rated Jon Snow without ever seeing an episode of the show, though he did study a few clips before the gig to nail down Jon’s demeanor—and the accent. “I’ve never watched an episode but I know a little bit. It’s all over social media and the internet,” says Rock. “I don’t even own a TV or watch TV but I still see what he [Myers] references in the script. He’s so well-versed in pop culture and never misses an opportunity to be funny.”
It’s a sentiment Game of Bones 2 director Holly G. Myers echoes about her husband’s writing talents. “He’s really funny so it takes the burden off me to try and force that from the actors,” says Holly. “They’re going to be funny no matter what because of what he writes.”
As a Game of Thrones fan, Myers was eager to direct this sequel and bring one of her favorite characters into pornland. “I’m a big fan of Sansa, so I was thrilled to use her as a character. Charlotte and Donnie were so funny and so great to work with,” says Myers. “Everything went so smoothly. We tried to nail the tone and worked hard to stay true to that.”
Outside of the comedic performances, Myers says having a “dragon” on set was one of her favorite things about indulging in this GoT parody. “The dragon puppet took a full three weeks to build,” recalls Myers. “It was great. We had a giant dragon head that was animated during the sex scene. That dragon was so much fun.”
Like many of her co-stars, Charlotte Sartre knew about Game of Thrones but hadn’t seen much of it—nor does she plan to. Studying clips to play Sansa was plenty. “I’ve seen lots of clips from the show and it seems cool. But at this point, I wouldn’t be able to catch up on eight seasons of television,” says Sartre. “And since people instantly spoil the episodes on Twitter, I already know what’s happening and there’s no fun in not being surprised.”
Charlotte Sartre as "Sucksa"
WoodRocket/PornhubEven so, Sartre was excited to don a red wig and a British accent for her role. “I like any character that is widely disliked,” says Sartre. “Being cast as Sansa was a pleasant surprise. After seeing some footage of her, I felt like we have similar mannerisms, so it wasn’t too far of a stretch for me to play her.”
Sartre’s husband, male performer Lance Hart, pops in for a cameo as “Big Finger,” a role he underestimated the complexities of—which was easy to do, since he’s never watched a GoT episode. “Porn normally doesn’t give you much time to prepare for a specific role, which in most cases is totally fine because the viewers just skip over the acting anyway,” says Hart. “In this case he’s a complex guy, so I would’ve liked to practice being him on my own time for more than the 20 minutes before we rolled camera. I think I did okay though.”
While most of the cast never plans to catch up—or even start watching—Game of Thrones, Lance Hart has been waiting for the final episode to do just that. “I was super busy for the first two seasons and just didn’t have time for TV. After that, I just committed to binge-watching the whole thing after the final season and eating nachos like a lazy slob. I’m really looking forward to it,” says Hart. “It’s probably going to take a few slothful binges to knock it all out, but I always finish what I start. I’m committed like that.”
