“I still don’t understand how this race is close,” Jimmy Kimmel said on the last episode of his late-night show before Election Day as he shared the news with his audience about recordings obtained by the Daily Beast from author Michael Wolff of Jeffrey Epstein talking extensively about his relationship with Donald Trump.
“We heard a bombshell audio tape in which Jeffrey Epstein says he was Trump’s ‘closest friend’ and shares a bunch of crazy stories, this barely moves the needle,” Kimmel said in disbelief. “Remember when Mitt Romney went down because he put a dog carrier on the roof of his car? We just got 100 hours of Jeffrey Epstein saying he and Trump were BFFs; I didn’t even get an alert about it on my phone.”
Kimmel continued, “Epstein said Trump told him he likes to have sex with the wives of his best friends, to the point where Epstein described Trump as having no ‘moral compass.’ Do you know what kind of lowlife you have to be for Jeffrey Epstein to say you have no moral compass? It’s like if R. Kelly got mad at you for leaving the toilet seat up.”
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“Epstein said the first time Trump had sex with Melania was on his own private plane, and if that isn’t a storybook romance, I don’t know what is,” Kimmel joked.
Kimmel then reminded viewers of a Fox News interview in June where Trump was asked whether he’d declassify the Epstein files. The former president hesitated, saying, “You don’t want to affect people’s lives if it’s phony stuff in there, because there’s a lot of phony stuff in that whole world.”
“Right, better to keep them locked up in a bathroom at Mar-a-Lago,” Kimmel replied.
“None of the many child welfare advocates who wear his hats seem to care about any of this. The truth means almost nothing.” Kimmel marveled, sarcastically adding, “I mean, we got Pizzagate. Why would we care about this?”
Finally, after laying out his case against Trump for Republicans last week, Kimmel finished the monologue with a closing argument to any undecided voters who might be left heading into Election Day.
“Take a moment to imagine a world in which you wake up in the morning, you check the news, and no one says the words ‘Donald’ or ‘Trump.’ Just a bunch of normal, boring stuff. Wouldn’t that be nice? No lawn signs. No red hats. No arguing with your grandfather,” he imagined. “Let’s remove this cancerous polyp from our collective national colon, and move on already.”
