“You know there are a lot of crazy and bad and bad crazy people out there,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday after spending some of his monologue making fun of Donald Trump’s unhinged CPAC speech. “And it would seem that I am one of them. Maybe even two of them.”
The late-night host was talking about a supposed “Arrest and Execution List” that has emerged from the QAnon conspiracy world. “This is a list of all the celebrities and world leaders who have supposedly been arrested and/or executed,” Kimmel explained. “It’s a long list. There are a couple of hundred names on it, from Queen Elizabeth to Joe Biden to Meryl Streep. And it turns out, you can see here, my name is on there too.”
“Apparently, I’ve been arrested and am awaiting tribunal,” he continued, admitting that he doesn’t actually know what that means. “What a way to find that out, though!”
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Kimmel revealed that he appears on the list right after Bernie Sanders “who’s in Guantanamo” and Boris Johnson “who has, they say, been executed” and ahead of “three time Oscar winner Jack Nicholson, who, sadly, has also been executed—but still manages to get into a lot of Lakers games.”
“Now, you might be wondering, how is it possible that Jimmy Kimmel has been arrested and is awaiting tribunal when I see him standing right in front of me talking about this?” The answer, Kimmel said, came from a woman on Facebook named Wendy who wrote, “Once arrests and executions of famous people are completed, these people have a double or clone. This was put in place to make people think they are still around.”
Kimmel called that a “hell of a plan,” adding, “They must have hatched this when I was born, because my clone and I are the same age.”
“I wish I had known I was a clone. I could be in Vegas right now enjoying myself,” the host concluded. “Anyway, I’m not sure who I am—or where I am. Maybe we’re all inmates in a clone prison right now, but I want to thank Wendy for tipping me off.”
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