Because irony is dead under President Trump, the first lady will welcome representatives from the leading tech companies to the White House next week to discuss cyberbullying and online harassment—despite her husband’s long, long history of lobbing insults on social media.
“Melania Trump has emerged from hiding,” announced Jimmy Kimmel.
“You know, she hasn’t been seen much since Winter Stormy Daniels has hit D.C., but Melania’s back and planning to meet with representatives from Twitter, Facebook, Google and others to lead the fight against online bullying,” he added. “Apparently the word ‘irony’ doesn’t translate from Slovenian. All she has to do to fight cyberbullying is take a hammer to her husband’s thumbs and phone!”
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Last month during a White House luncheon, the first lady remarked, “It is important that, as adults, we take the lead and the responsibility in helping our children manage the many issues they are facing today. This means encouraging positive habits with social media and technology, even limiting time online and understanding the content they are exposed to on a daily basis.”
So Kimmel dedicated a portion of his late-night monologue Wednesday to Melania’s vague anti-cyberbullying initiative.
“Melania Trump holding a summit to stop cyberbullying is like Camille Cosby calling a meeting with Benadryl: it’s making people woozy,” joked Kimmel, to some groans from the crowd (Camille is, of course, accused serial rapist Bill Cosby’s longtime wife and manager).
He continued: “But Melania, she wants to begin with a discussion of how the companies have been addressing this issue so far...and then swap clothes with one of the attendees and sneak out as part of the group.”
Kimmel then aired a very “emotional” (and very fake) Melania Trump anti-cyberbullying PSA, with the actress voicing Melania employing her trademark Slovenian accent.
“As first lady, I face many important issues—but none has touched my heart more than the issue of cyberbullying and kindness online,” she said. “It is important to set example for all children, whether they be Little Marco’s, Lyin’ Ted’s, Sleepy-Eyed Chuck’s, Low-I.Q. Crazy Mika’s or Overrated Meryl’s. If we don’t treat each other well online, we are no better than Fat Little Rocker Man’s. May god bless you, even the haters and losers. #SAD!”
To that, Kimmel sarcastically responded: “Thank you, Mrs. Trump. Thank you.”
