It took writing a book for John Stamos to realize that a troubling childhood experience he’d repressed from his memory really was wrong.
In his upcoming memoir, If You Would Have Told Me, the Full House actor reflects on a 2018 ceremony where he accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award from the nonprofit Childhelp for his advocacy work on behalf of abused children. It was then, he writes, that he recalled something he hadn’t “thought about in years.”
As Stamos confirmed to People in an exclusive interview, he was 10 or 11 years old when his babysitter sexually abused him.
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“When I was little, I had a babysitter who was around eighteen or nineteen,” Stamos writes in the memoir. “A lot of the time she’s kind of fun. We play, watch sitcoms, and laze around on the couch. But sometimes she gets weird, and it makes me feel weird, too. Uncomfortable.”
In the book, Stamos, 60, writes that he pretended to be asleep while his babysitter tried to place his hand or mouth on or near her breast.
“I learn it’s a phenomenon called the freeze response,” he writes. “Sounds like what it is. When a child is vulnerable or can’t escape, there can be a sort of playing possum effect. Don’t move, don’t speak, and just wait until things get normal again.”
While he acknowledged at the time that he’d “packed away” his experience, Stamos writes that he also knew the 2018 gala was not the right venue to discuss it.
“I didn’t want the headlines to be that, and I didn’t want the book to be over that,” Stamos told People. “It was a page or something, but I felt I had to talk about it. It was weird. It was something that, I think, I was probably like 10 or 11 [when it happened]. I shouldn’t have had to deal with those feelings.”
If You Would Have Told Me chronicles Stamos’ upbringing in Cypress, California, his ongoing love affair with the Beach Boys, and the highs and lows of his career. Stamos also recalls his high-profile divorce from Rebecca Romijn, whom he came to see as “the devil,” and further recounts meeting his second wife, Caitlin McHugh, while appearing as a guest star on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
Stamos also looks back on his relationship with the late Bob Saget; although the two started out jostling for the good scenes with Michelle on Full House, they eventually became like brothers. In fact, it was Saget whom Stamos called for reassurance after the birth of his and Caitlin’s first son, Billy, in 2018.
“I love him so much, Bob,” Stamos recalls telling his former co-star of his newborn son. “ ... But it’s like I don’t exist, you know? I’m not sure he’s that into me.”
Although his wife and son bonded deeply from the start—a sight that delighted Stamos—he found himself struggling to feel connected. Saget’s laughter at his apprehension put him at ease.
“Just wait,” Stamos recalls Saget telling him. “The minute he laughs at one of your jokes, you will be connected like you’ve never been connected to anyone before.”
It took some time, but eventually, Stamos let out a sneeze and got his son laughing. “I am grateful to this child,” Stamos wrote. “I am connected to this child. And the crazy thing is, what brought Billy the greatest joy was inside me all along.”
