Do you ever wish you could go back to a simpler time, before you had to have an opinion on whether or not Kanye is canceled or if Kim Kardashian should be setting our president’s political agenda?
Back in February, when Kanye West was still showing up at places without Candace Owens and Khloé Kardashian didn’t even know what was coming, the Kardashians and the Wests taped an episode of Celebrity Family Feud that has been heavily teased ever since. To watch this episode is to pretend, for one hour, that you never saw that video of Tristan Thompson motorboating a strange woman at a hookah lounge, or never lived to see the day when Kanye West went full MAGA. Welcome to Celebrity Family Feud, where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts except, actually, Steve Harvey is the host, so that’s a little bit painful.
Right off the bat, Kim and Kanye, who are both playing on the West team, paint a vivid picture of their domestic life, swearing that they watch Family Feud “every single night.” I don’t know if the idea of Kimye sitting in their minimalist, taupe, label-free house watching Steve Harvey make small talk with C-listers is funny or depressing or both, but it checks out. Basically this whole taping was like Make-A-Wish, but for two of the most famous and successful people alive. Joining the power couple in the fulfillment of their wildest fantasy are three cousins, one of whom is also named Kim. Cousin Kim quickly makes her mark by claiming that her current profession is doing “whatever Kanye asks me to do.” Later on, she cements her status as most valuable Kim by rubbing Steve Harvey’s “sexy bald head” (her words, not mine).
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In the Kardashian corner is Kris, “a momager at the highest level,” Grandma MJ, Khloé, Kendall, Aunt CiCi and Jonathan Cheban, who is introduced as—but emphatically is not—everybody’s favorite Kardashian friend. Harvey implies that there may have been some drama backstage, culminating in this historic six-person team. Page Six was less demure in a late February post alleging that Jonathan Cheban had a fit when he found out that he was about to be booted from the competition (and for good reason—that $100,000 Foodgod necklace wasn’t going to wear itself on national television). Apparently MJ, an 83-year-old woman who doesn’t even have a disgusting food porn Instagram account to promote, had the audacity to pull rank on Cheban. According to Page Six’s source, “Jonathan Cheban flipped out backstage because they paid for him to fly in from Miami and then they only wanted five contestants…He had a huge blowout with Kris because she wanted her mom, MJ, on. They allowed Kris and MJ to play as one unit since Jonathan flipped out.”
Add to that the fact that this showdown was originally supposed to be Hiltons versus Kardashians, and you have an episode of Celebrity Family Feud that’s just begging for its own oral history.
Unsurprisingly, the actual show didn’t quite measure up to the hype. The most noteworthy thing that happened was that Kanye West smiled. A lot. Actually, he grinned. Harvey later revealed on Ellen that, “Kanye was the best Family Feud celebrity panelist we’ve ever had on the show. He loves the show…His people said, ‘Steve, this is the most Kanye has ever smiled since we’ve been working for him.’ Kanye smiled!” On multiple occasions, Kanye corrected his family and in-laws on their Family Feud decorum—mostly the custom of congratulating teammates with a “good answer.” He high-fived his family, shook hands with audience members, and did very endearing victory laps. He was even gracious enough to not act offended when Steve Harvey insisted on calling him “dawg” and pretended they had met before/were friends—which is about the coolest thing you can do for another person if you’re Kanye West.
Aside from Kim 2 and best-contestant-ever Kanye West, MVP goes to Kendall Jenner, who in a shocking turn of events decided to unveil her personality for the first time ever on Celebrity Family Feud. When asked to name someone “you’d hate to show up” at a wild, naked party, Jenner said “Donald Trump” and didn’t even stutter. Someone get this girl a can of Pepsi, because things are getting political!
Kim is unsurprisingly pretty bad at this game, but Khloé and Kendall kindly let Kimye play Fast Money, because they were apparently “dying to do this.” At this point Steve Harvey, who’s clearly never been more excited in his entire life, chimes in: “It’s always been Yeezy’s dream to play Fast Money.” Kim insists that, “I practice this in my bedroom every single night,” which no one is really buying. During the lighting round, both Kim and Kanye rank themselves as 10 on a 1-10 sexiness scale “compared to the people you work with” (duh), and Kim says that she’s always bumping into things with her butt. Both Harvey and the camera linger for a bit too long on Kim’s ass, and then we’re out. But hey, at least it was all for a good cause (The Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles and, if we’re being real, Family Feud superfan Kanye West).
