Larry is starring in Mel Brooks'
The Producers, and needs a clean bill of health from the doctor. He's rehearsing his lines with David Schwimmer when Brooks enters the room and asks for the note from the actors' physicians. Schwimmer offers his, but Larry holds back.
Larry: "I just didn't pass the physical."
Schwimmer: "What are you talking about?"
Larry: "There's nothing wrong with me."
Schwimmer: "I mean, are you too old for this? Is that what he said?"
Larry: "No, no, no, I’m not too old for it, believe me. It's a fluke. I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me."
Schwimmer: [
to Brooks] "Seriously, after like three shuffle ball changes he's winded."
Larry: "You wanna race me?"
Schwimmer: "I'll go right now."
Larry: "Put your sneakers on."
Schwimmer: "I don't even
need sneakers."
(Episode 7, Season 4: "The Surrogate.")
John P. Johnson / HBO
At Ted Danson's birthday party, Larry strikes up a conversation with the bartender, who is wearing a bowtie—at Danson's request. Larry is appalled by the bowtie indignity and accosts Danson, who cheerily plays the class enemy.
Larry: "Hey! Happy birthday!"
Danson: "How have you been? I know you've got a phobia."
Larry: "Lemme ask you something, did you make this poor kid wear a bow tie? The bartender? You put him in a bow tie? What's up with that?"
Danson: "You had a choice: No bowtie, bowtie. We went with Bowtie. Classes up the party a little bit."
Larry: "Really, you think so? It makes me a little uncomfortable, seeing a guy like that have to stand there wearing a bowtie all night. That's not cool."
Danson: "It looks elegant."
(Episode 5, Season 6, "The Freak Book.")
Doug Hyun / HBO
Danson refuses to allow the bartender to work bowtie-free, causing Larry to lament that he can't break the bad news to his cocktail-slinging pal. Danson tells him, "Too bad. Go back and say you failed." Larry asks for a compromise—allow Larry's limo driver to attend the party instead of waiting outside.
Danson is reluctant, saying, "It's his job to wait, to sit in the car while you have fun," but eventually relents.
Doug Hyun / HBO
Larry's limo driver, Charlie, proceeds to get wasted at Danson's party, so Larry drives him home, keeping the limo for the night. The next day, Charlie calls, requesting an emergency favor: Could Larry pick up John McEnroe from the airport, posing as Charlie? Larry agrees to do it. But Larry violates limo driver protocol by asking McEnroe incessant questions, inquiring as to whether the tennis star was shy as a kid, whether he has allergies, whether he plays ping pong, etc. McEnroe plays a tired, exasperated traveler beautifully:
Larry: "Do you believe in God? A god of some kind?" McEnroe: "I believe in a God. And I'm wondering where he is right now."
Caludette Barius / HBO
Gina Gershon has a recurring role on
Curb as a Hasidic dry cleaner. In one episode, Larry takes a blanket to be cleaned, but doesn't want Gershon to inspect it. She does, pulling it out of his hands, and discovers an embarrassing stain. Larry blames it on a houseguest: "I had nothing to do with that." He then notices that his Yankees jersey is missing.
Gershon: "Sometimes you get home and you have something that isn't yours, and sometimes something of yours gets taken. That's just the unwritten law of dry cleaning. Everyone knows that."
Larry: "Really?"
Gershon: "Really."
Larry: "Well I don't subscribe to that law."
Gershon: "Oh, well, then maybe
you should change it."
Larry: "Maybe I will."
Gershon: "Good. I'll have your semen-covered blanket ready on Wednesday."
(Episode 2, Season 6: "The Anonymous Donor.")
Ron Batzdorff / HBO
Larry's wife Cheryl plans a benefit starring Alanis Morissette. During rehearsal, Larry corners Morissette and asks her to play "You Oughta Know." He then tries to coax out of her who the song is about.
Morissette: "No I purposely don't tell anybody because it's not what the song's written for."
Larry: "Or sure, I understand. If you ever want to unburden yourself, I won't tell a soul."
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Morissette: "All right, that's cool. I never really told anyone, and it would be maybe good to… I'll tell you. But you can't tell anybody."
Larry: "Don't worry. I wouldn't say a word."
Morissette whispers her secret in Larry's ear. While she's singing the song as the benefit's finale, Larry complains to his wife that a woman in the audience is still mad at him for "the Martin Short thing." Larry crawls over to her, whispering in her ear, "I know who this song is about." He tells her.
(Episode 5, Season 3: "The Terrorist Attack.")
Larry has a small role in Martin Scorsese's new film. When he's called to re-shoot a scene, he desperately hunts for the jacket he wore on-screen. He finally asks his wife if she's seen it.
Larry: "The cream-colored one with the blue stitching?" Cheryl: "Oh you mean the really ugly one?" Larry: "Yeah the one from the movie." Cheryl: "I threw it away."
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Cheryl: "You weren't going to wear it! It had a hole in it."
Larry: "Of course it had a hole in it. That's where I got shot."
Eventually Larry goes to the set and sheepishly tries to explain the problem to the director. The wardrobe person comes to the rescue with a spare. Larry tries to convince the director that the loss was wardrobe's fault. Scorsese complains to another person on set, "He's going to kill me, this guy. Unbelievable. What does he mean, 'She gave me the jacket'? What is this? How many more scenes do we have with him?"
(Episode 8, Season 3: "Krazee-Eyez Killa.")
Ron Batzdorff / HBO
Larry says a lot of f-words to goons in Scorsese's fake gangster film. The director yells cut while Larry is deep in character, saying the action was blocked by equipment. Scorsese tells Larry to threaten violence sooner, so Larry offers to take out a plastic bag to purportedly contain a character's testicles.
Scorsese: "The balls will never read. They're not going to read as balls."
Larry: "The balls will read. Why won't balls read?"
Scorsese: "It's like, putting them in plastic, you mean?"
Larry: "Yeah it'll be in a plastic bag, with formaldehyde or something."
Scorsese: "Yeah, but it's, like, a little graphic for this. That's a big thing to do."
Larry: "Do you know what you're doing? Do you even know what you're doing?
(Episode 3, Season 6: "The Special Section.")
Abbott Genser / HBO
“It’s Seinfeld without being Seinfeld,” Jason Alexander says of the reunion.
Doug Hyun / HBO
The Seinfeld cast will return to TV October 4 for a show-within-a-show reunion. In a case of life imitating sitcom, or maybe life creepily closely inspiring sitcom, the Seinfeld reunion is reportedly a ruse created by Larry to win back his ex-wife (Cheryl Hines), who told him when they split that she loved him more when he worked on the show because it kept him busy.
Doug Hyun / HBO
George Costanza, possibly the show’s most maladjusted character, was based on David himself. (On Curb, David plays essentially the same character, only freed from broadcast censors.) In the reunion show, Larry pitches the idea of a divorced George trying to win back his ex-wife with an over-the-top scheme—essentially, the same plot as the Curb episode itself. It's all very meta.
Doug Hyun / HBO
" Curb has the perfect tone to do a Seinfeld reunion show… That is to say, you’re not really doing a Seinfeld reunion show,” Julia Louis-Dreyfus says.
Doug Hyun / HBO
Comedian Richard Lewis appeared on the first episode of the series as himself. In the episode, David offends Lewis' new girlfriend by staring at her breasts—which he later tells Lewis look fake—and berating her in a movie theater. Lewis says, "I've never been married, and I think I'm in love, and I think you might have ruined this for me."
Doug Hyun
Ben Stiller invites the Davids to his birthday party. Stiller and Larry co-star in Mel Brooks' new play, which involves a bit of dancing. Stiller's wife asks Cheryl if Larry is sore all the time from dancing, as Ben is. Larry says he doesn't get sore at all.
Stiller: "You've gotta work on it, man, you gotta work on it when you're not there. You gotta do off-hours work, so you're prepared when you come in to rehearsals."
Larry: "It's not that I'm not working as hard… It looks more effortless, maybe."
Stiller: "It does look like less effort. I mean, it looks… less effort, effortless."
(Episode 2, Season 4: "Ben's Birthday Party.")
Merie W. Wallace / HBO
Stiller picks Larry up after he gets a flat tire. They drop off Stiller's wife, but Larry refuses to move up to the front seat.
Stiller: "Larry I'm not going to drive you around like I'm your chauffeur! Get in the fucking front seat."
Larry: "You're not driving me around like you're my chauffeur. We're two minutes from the rehearsal hall."
Stiller: "You know, what kind of person asks someone to drive him around like this?! This kind of mentality…"
Larry: "What kind of person is so insecure that they have to make someone move into the front seat so they don't think that they're driving somebody around?!"
Stiller: "No, the kind of person that needs to be driven around in the back seat!"
[the argument grows more heated…]
Stiller: "You're such a baby! You're a grown-man baby!"
Larry: "You're saying I'm a man-child?"
Stiller: "I’m saying you're a little baby. You know what? If Little Baby wants a ride, we'll give Little Baby a ride."
Larry: "You know what? Little Baby wants to walk."
(Episode 3, Season 4: "The Blind Date.")
Merie W. Wallace / HBO
