Comedian Martin Short took no prisoners during his first guest monologue for Jimmy Kimmel on Monday, taking aim at a number of usual–and unusual–suspects.
But before he took to the task, one of the first things Short did was ask sidekick Guillermo Rodriguez for advice: “What would Jimmy usually do right now?”
Guillermo replied, “He would be talking about Donald Trump.”
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“Well, I guess you can’t go to Outback Steakhouse without ordering the Bloomin’ Onion,” said Short, before trying his hand at some political humor. “Donald Trump says he’s close to announcing his running mate, and has reportedly narrowed it down to three people. It was four, but O.J. died, so…”
Short went through the current most likely picks for Trump’s running mates, zeroing in on the third “doormat” of the bunch, J.D. Vance. “[He] said he thought Trump was either a cynical asshole like Nixon, or America’s Hitler. When have you ever said something like that about someone, and then changed your mind?”
Short poked fun at Trump’s unfounded claims that Joe Biden will be taking a special drug to get him through the debates, while also throwing in an age joke at Biden’s expense: “He’s something, that Trump. He says he wants them both to submit to a drug test before the debate. Do you have any idea how long it takes to get a urine sample from men who are close to 80? I’m 74, and the only time I don’t have to pee is when I’m peeing.”
Before the end of his debut, Short’s old friend Steve Martin walked on stage, and the famous comedic duo started trading some passive-aggressive barbs.
“I was honored when Jimmy asked me to be the first guest host, but I said no,” Martin told the crowd. “I said, ‘You’ll be able to find someone who’ll do it for scale. Don’t you worry.’”
“I really do appreciate you being here, Steve,” Short replied. “There are very few people in this world that I truly admire, and Steve Martin is very close to being one of them.”
Martin got the best of this exchange, however. “I love Marty. He’s one of the hardest-working men in show business because it just doesn’t come naturally to him… And let me tell you, what a joy it is for me to work with someone who looks like a former women’s tennis champion.”
Short bid Martin goodbye, telling him, “It’s almost time for the interview, so you better go yell at the staff one more time.” As Martin exited the stage, Short yelled, “Walk toward the light, Steve! Walk toward the light!”
