Miley Cyrus’s new album, Bangerz, was finally released Tuesday, providing an answer to the question we’ve all been asking: just how crazy is it going to be? The verdict: very.
Here, an analysis of the strangest, craziest lyrics from the new album.
‘Adore You’
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On “Adore You,” Miley takes a moment to name-call the O.G. A-Lister: “I could do this for eternity, you and me / We’re meant to be in holy matrimony / God knew exactly what he was doing / When he led me to you.” Because between the government shutdown, Syria, and the season finale of Breaking Bad, we’re sure Miley is the big man’s top priority.
‘We Can’t Stop’
As a famous dead guy once said, nothing in life is certain except death and taxes. Now we can add to that list the unavoidable experience of hearing to Cyrus’s “We Can’t Stop.” You can’t get away from the hit single, so you might as well take a moment to appreciate it. While we’ve always known that Miley is serious about partying, this track exposes us to her hidden passion for syntactical experimentation. For example: “Can’t you see it’s we who own the night / Can’t you see it’s we who ’bout that life.” Dissertations will surely be written on the implications of Miley’s inspired use and placement of “we” in this line. She’s basically like Shakespeare, if Shakespeare spent his free time waiting in lines to do lines in the bathroom.
‘SMS (Bangerz)’
“SMS (Bangerz)” is one of the most genius (read: batshit) tracks on the album. All you need to enjoy this song is a sense of humor and two to three free hours to spend cross-referencing the lyrics with the Urban Dictionary. This track is so confusing and multi-layered, it would take a team of Mensa members with Ph.D.s in Ebonics to decode. The first line of the song is also its craziest: “All the way in the back, with a tree on my lap.” Is Miley suffering from a textbook case of Freudian penis envy? Is she offering an impassioned plea to combat climate change? Or is the line just a collection of nonsensical sounds and syllables? We imagine Miley carefully planned this mass confusion and is patting herself on the back right now somewhere in L.A., a Mona Lisa smile on her lips and a tree in her lap.
‘Four by Four’
“Four by Four” is clearly an homage to Bonnie and Clyde, and Miley’s attempt to evoke a bygone era when black and white wasn’t just an Instagram filter. Miley spends the song driving around with her boyfriend and spouting amazing lyrics as she goes. The romantic-ish track delivers with this gem: “Driving so fast, ’bout to piss on myself / Police wanna get him and put him in jail / Imma do whatever to get him his bail/ Hooked on doughnuts, and [?]” This evocative prose poem is clearly a commentary on America’s system of mass incarceration. There’s also some stuff about piss and doughnuts. And while we’d love to decipher the last few slurred words of this phrase (one website suggests what’s missing is “roof satin”), there’s simply no time: we can’t/won’t stop.
‘Love, Money, Party’
The club track “Love, Money, Party” is a showcase for Miley’s more philosophical side. Just because she’s mega famous for twerking and faux-masturbating with a foam finger doesn’t mean she doesn’t have thoughts. It does, however, mean those thoughts are fairly ridiculous. Miley hypothesizes: “Party ain’t nothing but a party when you party every day it ain’t nothing but a party.” Good point, well made.
‘Get It Right’
“Get It Right” sets a new (very low) bar for sex songs. The lyrics range from sappy to explicit, but the level of lunacy is nothing if not consistent. First, Miley croons, “Flex your muscles, and go through the roof / Arrest it, rest it, ’cause it’s just criminal.” As someone who’s watched Miley grow from a child star into whatever she is now, I find her consistent romantic interest in criminals throughout this album concerning. However, I’m a little more concerned by the fact that Miley is making no sense and doesn’t seem to care. The newly crowned queen of non sequiturs, she continues, “This is the first time I get to see / Things I’ve never seen in my life / You make flowers grow under my bed.” Poor boy toy: even though he’s a total sex god, all he’s ever really wanted is his own garden. While all these lyrics are almost too good to be true, my favorite excerpt has to be “You play my strings like my guitar / When I look in your eyes I see all the stars.” Sure, this line might seem trite and cliché. But it also features what might be the only allusion to a real instrument on the entire album.
