The ‘Love Is Blind’ Finale Was More Traumatizing Than Ever

Love Is Blind Season 3 has been the most intense by far, and that chaotic finale filled with “I Don’t”s was no exception. But the reunion, which Netflix debuted Wednesday, kicked things up even further—like, from 11 to 11,000.

This season, we’ve seen men call their fiancées 9’s and other women 10’s. We’ve seen them yell things like, “Looks do matter!” We’ve seen them clench and flex their hands in drunken anger over petty jealousy. With the exception of two successful couples—Raven Ross and Sikiru “SK” Alagbada, and Alexa Alfia and Brennon Lemieux—every pair this season was a worrisome mess.

But the reunion was an emotional explosion of extraordinary magnitude—even bigger than last season’s, which saw Vanessa Lachey telling off a contestant. By the end, a heated moment involving a pair of mandarin oranges became a matter of such scrutiny that producers chose to air it in full context—upending, for some viewers, weeks’ worth of presumptions.

If nothing else, Netflix has proven that, while love might or might not be blind, a whole lot of us are shameless voyeurs who simply cannot look away. Here, The Daily Beast’s chief Love Is Blind enthusiasts, Obsessed deputy editor Allegra Frank and entertainment writer Laura Bradley break down the biggest twists and turns. (And, yes, that Cuties moment.)

Laura: Allegra! I’ve been dying to talk to you about this finale. The idea of recapping it alone seemed... impossible?! Is it just me, or is this the most emotional carnage a single season of Love Is Blind has ever produced?

Allegra: I think that’s actually a fair assessment, because WOOF. I rescheduled therapy for after the finale so I could decompress, and I hope every single person on that show does the same. This season was a mental health emergency, between the “I do not”s and the pent-up resentment that still lingers long after they left the altar. Laura: Who are you most worried about right now? Who hurt you?!

Laura: I saw that “Colleen” was trending on Twitter earlier today, and I have to agree with the salient point everyone seemed to be making: Matt’s got some major red flags with that temper, and I wish the reunion had addressed it a little more.

As for who hurt me? All I can say is it really hurt to see how much Nancy invested in Bartise, when he made it so painfully clear so early on that he was not investing in her.

Allegra: I am so deeply concerned for Colleen. Her relationship with Matt was marked almost entirely by his drunken outbursts, including one about the now-infamous conversation with Cole at the pool, about Cole’s mutual attraction to Colleen. In turn, Colleen has had to put in the work to calm him down, to assuage his fears, to basically defend herself and her behavior—which almost always left her in a position where she had to admit fault. Colleen should not have married a guy who has proven what he does when he’s suspicious, let alone when he’s actually angry.

Nancy! Nancy!!!!!! I love that woman so much, but I hate her love for that man! What did you make of Bartise’s explanation for rejecting her at the altar, and Nancy’s reaction?

Laura: BARTISE! Barstool! Bambino of age 25! I will give him this: He showed a lot of remorse during the reunion for how he treated Nancy, and it felt sincere to me. That said, I simply do not believe that he genuinely wanted to continue dating Nancy after the wedding, and I think she finally clocked that, too.

I think he would have dated her out of a sense of obligation, but he never gave me even the slightest sense that he felt joy from this relationship. The night before their wedding, he seemed less moved by the gifts she gave him than pained by the understanding that she cared so much and he was just sleepwalking through it. What did you think?

Allegra: YES! Barf Bag! Bar Cheese! He of infinite amazing nicknames! I think that, as Nancy correctly noted during the reunion, Bartise is an emotionally immature man—he is 25, and he acts like it. For him to go from telling Nancy that, watching the show back, he was “rooting for her” to get the “I do” she wanted, to then dodging the question about whether he was hanging out with another girl the night after the wedding … it’s F-boy behavior.

It felt like he was conniving ways to excuse his own behavior and provide an explanation behind his “I don’t” aside from the most important fact, which is exactly what you noted: He felt stuck with her. The abortion conversation that he foisted upon her in front of his pro-life family was peak manipulative cruelty. But the biggest problem was that he was just not that into her. Which, to me, is just an impossible notion, since she’s the cutest. (Even if she’s a little daft for still wanting him.)

Laura: I found the way the reunion discussed that abortion conversation between Bartise and Nancy to be so bizarre. They praised it as some kind of big moment, but I agree it mostly just felt like Bartise sabotaging the relationship by throwing Nancy under the bus with his family. How is this a good thing For Society, or whatever?

Allegra: A reminder that Nick Lachey is a useless, useless man!

As much as I like Nancy, she and most of the other women frustrated me with how complicit they were in allowing their badly behaved men to behave badly. Which is why I have landed on two couples as my ships: Alexa x Brennon forever, and Go Team SK x Raven. Where do you stand?

Laura: Nancy and Zanab made me so, so sad. I think a lot of us have, in some moment, accepted far less than what we deserve, and it’s so painful when you can see that in action in such stark relief. With Colleen, I worry it has more to do with not recognizing certain warning signs.

I absolutely do not understand what bonds Alexa and Brennon, but I gotta say, they really were some of the stars of that reunion. It was nice to have at least one low-key pair in the bunch. And as for Raven and SK... I am so, so, SO happy they’re dating! I was actually very sad when they didn’t get married, even though it made total sense. The moment with Raven and his mother destroyed me. So I’m very happy to see these two crazy kids working it out. Maybe in time she can introduce him to a fabric that is not velvet!

Allegra: Alexa and Brennon seem like real sweethearts, and it’s nice to have at least one couple that isn’t en route to lifelong trauma because of this show. Also, I feel like I DM’d you a bunch of anguished gobbledigook after I watched SK turn down Raven, because it was the most heartbreaking scene of 2022. We absolutely need to see Raven and SK together in a year, in a better-furnished apartment filled with pilates equipment and stew in the fridge.

But okay. Since you mentioned Zanab. I am so upsettingly torn about what to make of her after the reunion. That searing rejection speech she gave to Cole at the altar: a serve. Queen shit. Tell Cole to kiss your sexy ass, Z! But at the reunion … I have so much skepticism now about who is really the most at fault here for the catastrophe that was Cole and Zanab’s time on Love Is Blind. You said that you felt sad for Zanab—tell me more about that, especially after Cole’s reunion waterworks

Laura: Hoo boy! The only thing I can say about these two with certainty is that together, they are a toxic mix.

The finale did not do Zay any favors. She clearly has some insecurities about how people respond to her physically (early on she noted being the flight attendant no one approaches, which... how?!), but I’ve been surprised to see how many people talk about this situation as though she was entirely in the wrong and all of this was in her head.

We watched Cole tell Zanab she was a 9 and the other women were 10s. We watched him tell her that he was clearly exiting his comfort zone to be with her, based on the fact her name wasn’t something like “Lisa” or whatever. And we watched him ask her if she was bipolar—and then repeat it in the finale by saying, “This is why I asked if you were bipolar.” She might’ve been a harsh critic in the kitchen, and of his towel habits, but it didn’t seem like she was getting a ton of grace from him, either, to say the least.

Zanab’s read on the Cuties moment was extreme, but that moment still happened within the context of everything else. It was definitely not the smoking gun Zay thinks it is, as, when the scene in question is actually shown, it does not match her characterization of it 100 percent accurately. Yes, Cole did at one point comment on the number of oranges she was eating, but they also agreed he’d offered to get her a poke bowl earlier that day.

But the oddest thing to me about Zay (and the thing that made me sad) was how steadfast she seemed in her desire to get married. (At least, right until she delivered an extremely solid takedown speech at the altar.)

Even taking all of that into consideration, I just don’t think Cole came off looking any better. He spent the entire reunion claiming Zanab was lying, only to turn around when the majority of the cast failed to back him up. It was only then that he started crying and vaguely apologizing, and to me that said a lot. I don’t really know who was “at fault” here, and it feels foolish to try and figure that out, since there are a million hours of footage we haven’t seen and human relationships are messy. All I know is, these two are way better off apart.

Allegra: Okay, so: It hurts my heart to say that while I agree with you on the majority of this, that Cuties moment (forever to be known as “The Cuties Story”) threw the rest of their relationship into harsh relief for me. Cole was repeatedly ignorant of Zanab’s feelings, especially regarding her clear insecurities—she is a woman with deep body image issues, which she repeatedly alluded to.

Cole tripped all of her triggers with shameful aplomb, his reckless narcissism leaving him unable to recognize his behavior. At some point, he had to know that questioning her mental health, or being “honest” about how he feels about her looks, would hurt her. Zanab is emotionally sensitive; Cole is emotionally vapid; the two should not mix.

The way that Zanab spoke about Cole during the reunion also clarified to me the toxic nature of their relationship. She believed he was “a good man,” as she kept saying, and she stuck it out because of the moments during which he showed that goodness. She loved the Cole that would dance with her, compliment her, respect her, and demonstrate affection for her. That’s the Cole she was hoping would come out more strongly through the process—but you have to love the person you’re with, not the one you hope they’ll become. Sweet Cole and Myopic Cole are a packaged deal. But I know how hard it is to accept this, and I’m proud of Zay for being able to choose herself in the end instead of just some of Cole.

And yet. And yet! I have become empathetic to Cole’s perspective—to a degree. Zanab was hardly forthright with him, as clips where she passive aggressively intimates how his words affect her showed. Instead of telling Cole not to speak to her in such a way, she instead dramatically concurs with him—of course you think other girls are hotter than me, because they are. This is how insecurity manifests, but it’s not productive toward improving a relationship.

When Zanab reamed Cole out at the altar, it was the first time she’d ever spoken to him clearly, which is why he was so shocked then, and remains shocked. Part of that is because of that ignorance of his, but part of that is also because, well, Zanab never told him plainly how shitty he was being!

But damn. That Cuties thing shows how their perspectives are so different. Cole didn’t mock Zanab for wanting to eat two Cuties; that’s her body image issues warping her perspective into seeing it that way. He encouraged her to eat, and encouraged her to plan a reception that would include her family, and tried to love her in a way that he thought was working. She had made up her mind about him the second that he said he was attracted to Colleen. There was no way to repair things from there. They both should have cut it off then instead of humiliating each other—Cole is not cute when he cries, but he sure does seem hopeless to me.

PHEW I know that’s a lot. I dunno. Do you think I have something here? Or is Cole manipulating me now?

Laura: I think your perspective makes sense. I do think Cole has a better idea of how his words affect people than he lets on—and that he has from the beginning. But I’ve also done a lot of soul searching since Cuties-Gate about my perspective on Zanab. Post-reunion, I think I’ve come around to the idea (that had not previously clicked for me) that Zanab made up her mind about Cole after the Colleen debacle—kind of like how Bartise did when he first realized Nancy wasn’t going to be his usual “type.” Within that context, her criticism does feel a bit like punishing him for not being what she thought he’d be—like you said, the version of him that she’d idealized.

I really don’t know, though! This might be the most vexing relationship I’ve ever seen on a reality dating show?! I’m so reluctant to make any definitive statements because I still feel so out of the loop.

Allegra: That’s kind of where I’m at the end of this season, tbh. Every single relationship leaves me a little skeptical, even the ones that seem solid. Like, is Brennon going to run into problems at his first Chanukah with Alexa’s family? Is SK going to start paying for Raven’s rent, if they keep up the long distance thing? And which of them is going to bring an insufferable new partner to the next reunion? (My money is on Bartise, easily.)

For all of the pain and suffering every single person who was on this show or watched it went through, though, I’ll say this: My love for Love Is Blind remains truly blind.

Laura: Bartise is going to show up with someone from Dated & Related or something, and I am going to lose my mind.

Allegra: Oh, you KNOW Bartise is begging his sister to go on that show with him!