Donald Trump was found guilty on Thursday (on all 34 counts) for falsifying business records, in a historic conclusion to his seven-week criminal trial. He’s made the record books for becoming the first former president to ever be officially declared a convicted felon—and while Republicans might be furious at the news, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel could not be more thrilled.
Early into his Thursday night monologue, Kimmel donned a judge’s robe to play out how the jury’s decision went down. Having his sidekick, Guillermo Rodriguez, play the jury foreman, Kimmel asked him how they found Trump on the first few charges.
Guillermo yelled “Guilty!” for the first three, before Kimmel sped things up and asked about the final 31 charges. “Guilty, guilty, guilty!” Guillermo yelled, to massive cheers from the audience.
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“Seven weeks of sleep farting, all down the drain, all for nothing,” Kimmel said. “You do have to hand it to him, no president has ever been convicted more than Donald Trump. How long before he starts bragging about this? Maybe he isn’t Teflon, maybe he’s one of those sticky traps for rats. We don’t know.”
Kimmel played a clip of Trump’s response to the verdict outside the courtroom, in which Trump declared the case to be rigged and assured his fan base that he’d win his appeal to get the charges dropped. Kimmel responded, “And if we don’t win, we’ll say we won anyway.”
The late-night comedian took a moment to speculate on what Trump’s punishment could be, with a sentencing date set for July 11. “Will the judge send him to Rikers Island?” Kimmel mused. “Will he get probation? Maybe they’ll put him under house arrest. Oh man, for Melania, a double whammy with cheese is what that is.”
For Kimmel, one option stood out clearly above the rest: apparently Trump might be sentenced to community service. “The judge could make him pick up trash along the side of the road. No joke, I vote for that. I mean, that is a beautiful image. Imagine Trump with a hefty bag, picking up ketchup packets with one of those grabber pole things. A big truck goes by, blows that cotton candy hair flap to the other side of his head.”
Kimmel showed viewers Eric Trump’s post-verdict tweet, which claimed that, “May 30th, 2024 might be remembered as the day Donald J. Trump won the 2024 Presidential Election.” Kimmel responded, “Or it will be remembered as the day a jury in New York spanked your dad even harder than Stormy did with that Forbes magazine.”
“It is very satisfying to finally see this guy get some comeuppance,” Kimmel said. He later added, “Oh, it has been a long road to this conviction. And don’t forget, there are three more trials to come.”
