Three more men went home this week on FBoy Island, but not a single one of them was an FBoy.
Katie Thurston, Hali Okeowo, and Daniella Grace sent home the nice-but-boring Jonathan, yoga teacher Pierce “Sunshine” Wallace—“Nice Guy, Vibe Expert, Extreme Hugger,” and “Chakra Enthusiast”—and (finally) Marquies. Some single ladies might be devastated to realize that there are (by former Bachelorette Katie’s count) seven FBoys left in the mix this late in the game, but Hali, a 28-year-old model whose no-nonsense attitude and light cackle has been a perpetual blessing this season, offered some valuable perspective.
“Did you want to be with any of them?” she asked the other women, to silence. “OK! Then we’re OK.”
Still, comedian and host Nikki Glaser reckoned her girls could use some help. Armed with a laptop, she offered Katie, Hali, and Daniella a chance to snoop on their prospective matches—and as for the results? Let’s just say, oof.
There’s a certain puckish spirit to FBoy Island that eludes most dating shows. It’s got the playfulness of Bachelor in Paradise (creator Elan Gale’s old stomping ground) but also embraces a snarkier edge. Watching Katie, Hali, and Daniella pore over these guys’ embarrassing thirst traps felt a lot like watching an episode of Room Raiders did 10 years ago—a little voyeuristic and yet totally thrilling. The only difference is that some of these men clearly thought to clean up their grids before showtime.
For the uninitiated: The heroines of FBoy Island are on a mission to leave this thirsty beachside paradise with a Nice Guy and split the show’s $100,000 prize—because otherwise, they’ll end up with an FBoy who can take the whole pot and run. Five weeks in, Katie, Hali, and Daniella are still struggling to figure out who is genuine and who’s putting up a front. As helpful as Nikki Glaser and her laptop might’ve been, some of the men managed to charm their way back into the women’s good graces, at least for now.
The red flags are everywhere, but at this point, Keem might as well wrap himself up in one. He blew up at the (so-so) comedian Marco for supposedly trying to set him up last week by suggesting that they tell Katie about fellow contestant Vince’s post-date brag session. Whether or not that’s true doesn’t really matter, because Keem’s tantrum is one big “ick.” To make matters worse, there’s also the social media content he posted with his twin brother, Eli.
There’s plenty of objectionable content on these guys’ grams, but the post that seemed to bug Hali the most was the one where they joked about passing a woman back and forth, as she put it, like a “hot potato.”
But Eli and Keem weren’t the only ones whose accounts could’ve used a good sweep. Marco’s comedy set about women moaning during sex didn’t seem to entertain Katie too much, but the real burn came when she accused him of having “generic LA vibes.” (Her other comedian, Benedict, comes out a little better, although she finds his content impersonal.) Basketball player CJ’s thirst-trappy profile stuns Daniella, who calls it “shallow,” and she also isn’t a huge fan of Mercedes’ page, which also gives straight “FBoy.” In news that will surprise no one, however, Jared’s profile is the absolute worst; it might as well be dripping in cologne.
Call me a cynic, but I’m convinced some of these men guessed this might be coming. Maybe it was Evander professing his love for a good Target run—which struck Hali as a “nice guy trying to look cool”—or maybe it was Vince’s impeccably varnished “Nice Guy vibes,” but some of these profiles feel just a little too sanitary to be believed. Christian’s devotion to God dominates his profile, which also includes a video professing his devotion to “settling down.” That better be true, but on this show, you never know!
All of the spying provides Nikki Glaser with the perfect excuse to grill our FBoys and Nice Guys from the therapist’s chair, as FBoy Island returns to its playful roots. (The good news? According to previews, we’re finally getting another silly game next week!) “Co-pay?” Benedict snarks. “More like bro-pay.”
But why, oh why, I must ask, are some of these women so eager to believe these guys? Jared, an unrepentant FBoy, is in full villain mode this week, smirking and telling the audience that he doesn’t even want to kiss Daniella but will do so for the “bread.” His smarmy photos should have sealed the deal, but still, Daniella can’t help but admit that she has “such feelings” for him. Literally, why!? Meanwhile, Katie and Hali also seem to want to believe the twins when they say that their social media personas are just an act. In the end, they decide they need another week to think before sending someone home—which Glaser grants.
Are these women headed for heartbreak or, at least, some real financial regrets? I do not wish it to be so, but they’re gonna need to get it together!
This post has been corrected to accurately state Hali’s age.
