Welcome to Crusty’s Waterbed Palace! Would you like to try out a sloshy mattress? The correct answer is a firm “no,” because everything is not as cozy as it seems in Percy Jackson and the Olympians. The owner, Crusty (Julian Richings, who also starred as the Ferryman in The Lightning Thief movie), is actually Procrustes, evil son of Poseidon, guardian of the Underworld, and brother of Percy (Walker Scobell).
“You’ve got dad’s eyes,” Crusty tells Percy with a villainous smirk when the siblings meet one another.
But it’s the penultimate episode of the season, and these kids have got to get to the Underworld, like, stat. Percy is smart enough to know that Crusty’s waterbeds aren’t comfy at all—they’re actually a trap, in fact. Right as Percy is about to hit the sack, he tricks Crusty, pushing him onto the bed instead. The covers envelope Crusty and pull him in tight, preventing him from moving at all, let alone getting back up.
Right as the trio approach the door to the Underworld—a closet at the back of Crusty’s—we’re taken into Percy’s flashbacks. (I’d be interested to know what these signify. Are we going into Percy’s memories? Is Percy having a vision? Or are these just creative elements?) A younger Percy (Azriel Dalman) fights with his mother Sally (Virginia Kull) about starting at a new school. He’s been expelled everywhere else thanks to his ADHD, dyslexia, and frequent daydreams, but Percy’s mother hoped it might be a new start for him.
Back in the present day, where Annabeth (Leah Jeffries), Grover (Aryan Simhadri), and Percy explore the Underworld. Grover, creeped the hell out (no pun intended), squishes his loud stress ball, much to Annabeth’s chagrin. It’s really hard to see what’s going on here—Percy Jackson has taken notes from House of the Dragon on how to have the darkest CGI scenes possible. They’re approached by a frightening figure who looks like the grim reaper. “You’re not dead,” it says.
"Jay Duplass in Percy Jackson & The Olympians."
David Bukach/DisneyA fearful Percy tries to explain why they’re there: “I mean, we’re all dying to some extent.” Alas, the trio didn’t pay the toll, and now, they’re going to have to face the consequences. Cerberus, the giant three-headed dog who guards the gates of the Underworld from within its realms, enters to attack the kids. Grover has his flying shoes to escape, but he can only carry Percy, leaving Annabeth to defend herself from the ravenous canine.
Chekhov’s stress ball returns here, becoming a perfect distraction for the evil mutt who is secretly just a playful puppy at heart. Annabeth uses Grover’s red squeaky toy to get Cerberus to follow her around, allowing Grover and Percy to flee the scene. They venture through the Underworld, finding a spot that’s a little brighter than the grim entryway—a sandy area that looks a lot like Arrakis from Dune—to take a minute to rest. Grover realizes he’s missing something. His orb to return to the living world is missing. The dog must’ve grabbed that, along with his stress ball.
Here comes another flashback. Young Percy has already been expelled from his new school, even though he hasn’t done anything wrong on his first day. This new headmaster has found out about his psychological problems through reports from Percy’s former teacher—what a narc!—and believes this new spot won’t be able to give him the help he needs. Percy needs help to understand his visions, but Sally doesn’t want to take him to Camp Half-Blood just yet.
Back to the Underworld. Percy has volunteered to stay in Hell, so long as he can free his mother. That’s going to be tricky, seeing as he and Grover are caught in a perilous sand storm right after—but something in Percy’s backpack saves them. Percy opens it to find some sort of lightning rod-shaped figurine made of gold. It couldn’t be. There’s no way this is Zeus’s stolen, missing master bolt. There’s just no way.
Unless…the backpack Percy is carrying isn’t his own but, rather, the one Ares (Adam Copeland) gave him back in St. Louis. Uh, that’s actually exactly what happened here, and now, Percy and Grover have been framed as the thieves.
But Percy isn’t going to return the bolt just yet—he needs to find his mom first. Luckily, right after they escape the sand, Grover and Percy find Hades’ (Jay Duplass) lair. Hades isn’t that evil. He offers them a snack or pomegranate juice, as well as a friendly welcome into his mansion in the Middle of Nowhere, Hell. So he’s the God of the Underworld—that doesn’t make him a bad dude!
While Hades is rather devilish, Percy isn’t playing games here. He wants his mom. If Hades is as evil as these kids think he is, he’d probably tease Percy for needing his mommy. Alas, no; Hades takes Percy right to his mom, who is frozen in solid gold. Percy is petrified, furious at Hades for doing this, but Hades shoots back—at least he saved Sally from being crushed to death by the minotaur!
Why did Hades save Sally? He says he’s been wanting Percy to come visit the Underworld for a trade—Hades will give Percy what he wants (his mom) in exchange for what Hades wants (the bolt, maybe). Percy unleashes a bit of a word vomit here: He’s not giving up the master bolt; they know Hades is in kahoots with Ares to start war with Zeus, and they’re here to stop it. But here’s where things get odd. Hades doesn’t want the bolt, and he’s not working with Ares.
“I seldom kahoot,” he quips. And a war? Absolutely not. Fighting is Zeus’ whole thing, and Hades doesn’t want to get involved. He has a nice little life in the Underworld. No wars or family drama needed! (Hades has quickly become my favorite god. So relatable.) What Hades is missing, though, is his helm of harkness, an invisibility shield that disappeared the same day Zeus’ master bolt was also stolen.
Percy has an epiphany: That deep, dark voice he’s been hearing in his dreams talking about a war between the gods is not even close to Hades’ lighter, smart-alecky intonation. That leaves none other than Grandpa Kronos, father to the Olympians and the God of Evil and Time. Kronos, not Hades, is actually the one who stole the bolt.
Hades, a bit panicked, has a new offer for Percy. He can offer safety to Percy, his friends, and his mom in exchange for the master bolt. They’re going to need some sort of protection if Kronos is coming to start a war. And Hades needs to save his fiery patootie, too, seeing as that helm of darkness won’t be coming back anytime soon. But Percy says he accepts the first offer—he’ll be back soon with the helm, but he needs to return the bolt to Zeus, first. Percy and Grover return to the living world, where Annabeth (hopefully) will be waiting for them after using her orb to escape Cerberus.
But we’ve got one more flashback, and it’s a biggie: This time, Sally is back, with the most important god of the entire show—Poseidon (Toby Stephens)! Sally updates Poseidon on the terrible state of their son’s life. He’s starting to attract attention from the gods. That winged horse followed him to school, leading to his expulsion. Poseidon offers up Camp Half-Blood as a solution, but Sally rejects the idea: “I want him to know who he is before your family tells them who they want him to be. He is better than that.”
And yet, Sally does want Percy to meet his father. Poseidon tells Sally he’ll make himself known when Percy is ready and finally knows where he belongs—which gives the show the perfect opportunity to cut to Percy, walking on a beach alongside his trusty best friends, looking as powerful as ever as he stares down his next opponent. Percy is about to fight Ares, who stomps down from the opposite side of the coast. If Percy can take down this enemy, maybe it’ll finally be time for him to meet his dad.
