The Phoebe Bridgers, Paul Mescal, and Bo Burnham Love Triangle Is All I Can Think About

I have invested the majority of my time into three things lately: work, Pokémon Scarlet, and Phoebe Bridgers relationship rumors.

Specifically, I’ve spent (read: wasted) many mornings over the past three weeks, vapidly clicking through Reddit and Twitter for the updates on Bridgers’ relationship status. No, I’m not interested in her myself—big fan of 2020’s Punisher though! I do, however, have a gross affection for Paul Mescal, who was Bridgers’ boyfriend of more than two years.

I say “was,” because the rumors are that they broke up sometime in the last few months. This gossip started right before Christmas and has taken the Mescal/Bridgers fanbase by storm. This is despite no official confirmation that the two are over: In recent interviews, the two have referenced each other, and Mescal is even credited on Bridgers’ latest single. (He contributed background vocals on Bridgers’ annual, typically sad Christmas song.)

But per my frantic searches on social media, celebrity news sites, and gossipy subreddits, the indie sad girl queen and the Aftersun actor/owner of the world’s best calves are over. The news came all at once, which is why I am so obsessed with it, I think. Fans knew that the end was nigh when Matty Healy (grody lead singer of the 1975, a popular band that I personally find extremely boring) posted an Instagram photo of himself goofily kissing Bridgers. Presiding over them was comedy gem Bo Burnham, eyes closed, as if he were a pastor praying for Healy and Bridgers.

Bridgers has always been open about her sexual and romantic dalliances, including trysts with her bandmates and famous friends. Healy and Bridgers have gone on the record as friends and fans of one another, and both are known to be social media jokesters. And not two weeks later, reports swirled that Healy was dating someone else, not Bridgers.

But to see her kissing Healy, even as a joke, felt … different, just as her relationship with Mescal had been different. Mescal and Bridgers’ relationship grew in real time: First, Mescal and Bridgers tweeted about loving each other’s work. Not long after, he interviewed her on a blush-filled summer 2020 Instagram Live. Mescal gushed about Punisher, while Bridgers said she was a fan of the recently released Normal People. The romantic tension was palpable; this was the stuff of fan fiction, but in real life.

When the pair was photographed on dates and red carpets together over the next two years, I became convinced that love was real. Mescal, a self-professed Bridgers fanboy, ended up dating the artist whose work he loved so much. He got to join her onstage at Coachella to sing along to her songs. They were even reportedly engaged at one point—something that felt exciting and believable, especially for those of us who embarrassingly fantasize about getting hitched to our big celeb crushes.

Famous people! They’re just like us!

But Bridgers and Mescal haven’t been seen together since Healy posted that photo. Instead, what I find in my regular searches are sightings of Bridgers and Burnham together—a surprising turn of events, given that photo that made the rounds of Burnham observing Bridgers kissing Healy before she and Burnham were a rumored item. And Burnham has very publicly dated Lorene Scafaria, director of Hustlers, since 2013. Was our favorite May-December romance over?

Meet the Naked, Moody Millennials of Hulu’s ‘Normal People’BINGEWORTHY

Kevin Fallon, Melissa Leon

Apparently so: Burnham and Bridgers have been openly out on the town since mid-December. They went to see Kate Berlant’s live show that Burnham directed, Kate, in New York just one day after I did. (I still think about what I would have done, if I had only seen them there.) A blind item on gossip account DeuxMoi said that they claimed to own an albino pigeon together. (I’d rather not explain.) Every day, someone tweets about seeing Burnham and Bridgers make out at a restaurant or going shopping together.

Meanwhile, Mescal was spotted out with Angelina Jolie, of all people. Good for him, but bad for me. My parasocial relationship with these famous people—inspired by their emotionally vulnerable music and films; their endearing interviews; their seemingly accessible, relatable public demeanors—has led me down a terrible road where I am mourning the apparent breakups of couples I have no business mourning.

That said, my email is open for tips on where you’ve seen Bridgers and Burnham—Boebe?—so as to fuel my needless depression further.