From Cheating to a Small Penis: The Men of ‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ Are a Disaster

Read more of our Real Housewives of Orange County coverage HERE.

As Sunday’s Real Housewives of New York showed us, there are few things funnier than watching grown women have petty arguments while being forced to partake in arts and crafts. And this week’s roller-coaster episode of Real Housewives of Orange County is no different.

But before we go into this pumpkin patch trip that causes Shannon to have an anxiety attack, we catch up with the Dubrows, who are basking in the $50 million sale of their mansion. According to their real-estate agent Josh, it’s the 3rd highest sale in the history of Orange County—which, again, makes me question how much money a plastic surgeon and a former sitcom actress can possibly rake in that would make this sort of feat possible. Regardless, it’s an impressive W for Heather that will definitely be used against her in the future by Tamra.

But for now, Tamra is preoccupied with the cheating rumors surrounding Heather and Terry. In a scene with Eddie at their new gym, Tamra brings up paparazzi photos of the Dubrows embracing each other at Disneyland, which she believes were staged. I don’t put it past the Dubrows to call up Backgrid in the midst of a publicity crisis. But this accusation is especially rich from Tamra, who makes a point to bring up her and Eddie’s sex life in every scene they have together—including this one!—ever since Vicki and Gretchen spread that rumor about him being gay.

Arguably, Tamra’s hypocrisy is the main throughline in this episode—and maybe the entire season. We see it when she goes over to Shannon’s house and claims she doesn’t want any division in the group despite all her pot-stirring. That’s not to mention that Shannon is clearly engaging in the same sort of PR she accused Heather of, by making it seem like John slept over. (He did not!)

Anyway, it seems like the producers finally convinced Shannon to take control of the narrative about her relationship and discuss their issues on-camera. So she tells Tamra that she mainly gets upset when she and John don’t spend time together. She also says that, when they argue, he says, “I’m done” and runs away—which ironically makes him the perfect fit for Shannon. Whether they actually plan on working on these problems is TBD. But for now, Shannon’s preoccupied with hating Heather.

So we get what feels like our 50th sit-down between Heather and Shannon later on in the episode. Heather uses the overly cautious language you would with someone you know has anger issues and apologizes profusely for her part in John gossip. She even pushes out some tears. What’s most interesting is that she brings up that Tamra had initiated conversations about John several times (we see the flashbacks), but Shannon still doesn’t register that Tamra is the real transgressor in this situation. Or maybe she does, but she still hates Heather for gaslighting her at that dinner party in Season 9 and trying to send her away in an ambulance, so it doesn’t matter.

Leading up the pumpkin patch, we get a scene of Emily going motorcycle-shopping because she wants to get her license. (This woman’s storyline has gone more places than a character on Euphoria.) And Gina meets up with her to lament Shannon’s comments about her DUI. Jenn also has a discussion with Ryan about her hesitations to marry him. Considering that she left her husband to be with this man and has integrated their families, all this talk about having cold feet feels a little too late. But it’s fun dissecting Ryan’s shady responses and body language any time he’s on-screen.

All of this culminates in a pumpkin-carving outing hosted by Taylor, that looks like a Christian Girl Autumn meme. Right off the bat, Gina and Jenn bring up Shannon’s claim that she basically saved Gina’s children from being swept up by Child Protective Services when she got her DUI. Tamra and Taylor deny that they heard her say it, which, in Bravo lingo, means they definitely did.

We can assume Tamra heard it at least. Her ears are always open, even when she’s drinking, and she likes to bring every slightly shady comment made by someone back to the group. Plus, if she truly didn’t recall Shannon saying that, Tamra would defend Shannon and deny that she said it. But saying that she “doesn’t remember” allows her not to look like a liar.

Of course, Tamra is the one who brings up the comment to Shannon once they all sit down to carve their pumpkins. Shannon is adamant that she didn’t say it, which makes me wonder what wild stuff comes out of her mouth when she drunk-dials the other women about John. Luckily, Jenn sticks to her guns and doesn’t let Tamra or Taylor brainwash into thinking that she made it up. And Gina is smart enough to take Jenn’s word over Tamra’s and Shannon’s.

So Shannon and Gina get into it, and Shannon starts whispering to Tamra about some pain she’s experiencing from her anxiety. But she eventually pulls it together because she’s apparently passed her dramatic storm-off limit this season, and they circle back to the John situation. Gina clarifies that she wasn’t carelessly gossiping about her relationship. And Shannnon explains that she wasn’t maliciously talking about her and Travis either.

This is when Tamra can’t help but be Tamra and bring up a rumor about Travis allegedly having a small penis that Shannon blurted out at their first Tres Amigas reunion. They ultimately laugh it off, but Shannon is so shaken by this whole confrontation that she has to excuse herself early. Points for trying, I guess!

Before the episode ends, Tamra brings up Heather’s Disneyland “photo op,” which Heather obviously doesn’t take well. In a confessional, Heather claims this is why she refuses to tell the women about her move. And it honestly makes sense at this point, given that no one seems to really be down with her this season. Plus, the slightest mention of the Dubrows’ wealth instantly triggers everyone on this show (which is why she should move to Beverly Hills!).

Regardless, it looks like her secrecy around her mansion will be thrown in her face next episode when the women go on their big cast trip to Mexico. Given how messy things got with these women at a pumpkin patch while wearing plaid and ponchos, we might be in store for Ireland 2.0. See you next week!

Keep obsessing! Sign up for the Daily Beast’s Obsessed newsletter and follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok.