Read more of our Real Housewives of Orange County coverage HERE.
When I think of Shannon Storms Beador at her most entertaining, I see a highlight reel of melodramatic and sidesplitting moments: Shannon acting out her own funeral at a marriage counseling session; Shannon telling cameramen not to follow her after dashing out of a sprinter van; Shannon screaming “This isn’t my plate, you fucking bitch!” in the middle of The Quiet Woman; Shannon telling a dinner party “you will all see the truth!” while being dragged up a flight of stairs.
In 2023, that version of Shannon (probably thanks to her divorce) is nearly gone. Over the past three seasons, I’ve wondered if she has anything left to give aside from being a reliable punching bag for the rest of the women and a perpetual sad sack. However, tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County reminded me that Shannon has always been kind of an asshole (in an amusing way!)
The cast, which is full of assholes, likes to use any dick-ish move on her part to start unnecessary, season-long beefs. But, Shannon is, indeed, self-centered in a deeply unaware way that’s always made for the funniest television. And her display at Gina’s “Fla-Mingle” party this episode is no different.
But before we get into half the cast hating Shannon, let’s break down these season’s taglines in this new opening credits sequence that looks like a scene from Barbie: Mermaidia.
Shannon: ”In Orange County, I call the shots, and it’s always tequila.”
Based on the accusations in tonight’s episode, this tagline is a tiny bit cringe. But I appreciate Shannon taking control of her own narrative… which is that she may or may not be an alcoholic. 7/10
Heather: “I live my life in HD. Sharp, bright, and more focused than ever.” This is maybe the least sexy tagline I’ve ever heard. But it does seem classically Heather in its nerdiness, so it actually kind of works. 8/10
Emily: “If you want to waste my time, at least hand me a taco.” Through Emily, I’ve learned that Orange County is the type of place where you can build an entire personality around consuming food. Unless there’s some incredibly funny scene later in the season where she stuffs her face with a tortilla, I’m not impressed! 4/10
Gina: “The difference between my past and present? Well, that’s just apples and oranges.” I appreciate the East Coast/West Coast pun, but it could use a little more specificity. Cute, but a little too vague. 6/10
Jenn: “My core may be strong, but my resilience is stronger.” Saying that your “resilience” is “strong” is redundant, but I like that she’s working her yogi brand into her tagline. 7/10
Tamra: “I may have been on pause but now I’m ready to play.” Um, this would be really cute if it was uttered by the Housewife who actually coined “on pause,” Dorinda Medley! Also, I read Not All Diamonds and Rosé, Tamra. You were fired with a capital F! 4/10
So we start off this episode with some tea about Jenn that, on any other franchise, would be set up as a huge bombshell and beaten to death for the rest of the season. (We’ll see.)
On a dinner date with Emily and Gina, Jenn nonchalantly admits that she had an emotional affair with her boyfriend Ryan during the tailend of her marriage to Will. Naturally, Gina’s slightly judgemental as a prior victim of infidelity. But she and Emily have already known this information and don’t really seem to care. (Could you imagine this conversation with Gizelle Bryant??) They also genuinely seem to like Jenn— for now at least. Once she does something that’s perceived as shady amongst the group is when the claws will probably come out.
After another scene of Heather proving that she’s a hands-on mom, we immediately jump into Tamra and Shannon’s face-off on a restaurant patio. Despite last week’s theatrical preview, this confrontation is hardly the crux of the episode. Tamra, a de-facto producer, seemingly knows that this is just the first of several fights she’ll likely have with Shannon this season. Therefore, she doesn’t utilize her full reservoir of fake tears just yet. However, we learn that Tamra isn’t just mad at Shannon for allegedly ghosting her, but that she did it while she was dealing with her ex-husband Simon’s Stage 3 throat cancer diagnosis.
Shannon maintains that she checked on Tamra multiple times in the beginning, but Tamra rebuts that it wasn’t enough. They argue a bit over whether Shannon is an alkie before Shannon awkwardly orders a Belvedere soda. (Can we just see these women’s phone records already??)
Out of the two of them, Tamra comes out looking the worst this episode. When she and husband Eddie go to their now-defunct gym to sulk, Eddie says that the “only good part of that relationship was David,” referring to his wife and Shannon’s friendship. He also says that Shannon drinks too much, to which Tamra agrees. Maybe Tamra has a point with Shannon’s dismissal of her, but the public shit-talking certainly isn’t helping.
Ultimately, the former BFFs decide that they’re going to move forward and try to repair the situation, even though that’s what this whole sit down was supposed to be about. This peace treaty only lasts a few seconds, though, when Tamra jumps down Shannon’s throat the first chance she gets at Gina’s all-pink, flamingo-themed boat party, which should’ve just been a Barbie party IMO.
Gina doesn’t actually attend this party because she has COVID. And new, unnecessary friend-of (sorry!) Taylor Armstrong shows up in her stead. I have to say, Gina’s presence at this event wasn’t missed at all. First off, these women are all drunk off their asses. Even Heather is slurring her words and breaking shot glasses. She’s also gradually pissing off Emily by interrupting every one-on-one moment she wants to have with Tamra to talk about her issues with Shannon. The claustrophobic-ness of this yacht, which feels very… um, Gina in size, makes this scene even funnier.
Things really go to shit when Jenn tries to tell the women about adopting her son Dominic and Shannon interrupts her because she thinks John’s son is on a boat next to them. Watching her ask the group “Is that John’s son?” maybe 20 times while Jenn’s eyes are bulging out of her head made me spit out my tea.
This is totally something Shannon would do completely sober because she’s done it before, particularly with the new girls. But the woman is visibly drunk. As is most of the group who start laughing and clearly don’t want to hear about adoption while guzzling rosé either. Nevertheless, they’re all being undoubtedly rude.
Tamra immediately weaponizes this moment against Shannon, whispering to Jenn that Shannon’s selfish. By the time the group gathers for dinner, Tamra’s nearly falling off of the side of the boat, drunkenly screaming at Shannon. Taylor is also weirdly anti-Shannon—maybe because of her friendship with Tamra—even though they don’t seem to know each other like that. Meanwhile, Emily’s the only one, besides Shannon, willing to tell Tamra that she’s doing the most.
That said, Emily is ultimately the winner of this week’s ep. She planted the seeds of what will surely be a funny conflict with Heather and tried her best to mend things between Tamra and Shannon—albeit to no avail. She also pointed out something about Tamra and Shannon’s dynamic, which is that Tamra enables Shannon to behave like a narcissist by babying her just to turn around and accuse her of being one during the slightest fallout. Amen!
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