An alliance is a group of people loyal to each other in the game of Housewives. These small social groups strategize together to manipulate the outcome of the season, and eventually the reunion—or something like that.
Reality fans may associate competitive strategy with the likes of Survivor, but rest assured, the Real Housewives have been playing the game in much subtler ways for almost two decades. And no show has been more upended by team mentalities and metagaming than The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
From Yolanda Hadid’s dream team to the Reddit boogeyman known as the Fox Force 5, alliances are as essential to RHOBH as butter is to bread. To that end, it’s not too surprising we’re ending another season reset to a seemingly indestructible status quo: Kyle/Erika/Dorit on one side of the aisle while Garcelle and Sutton linger on their own—a status immediately upended by Garcelle’s decision to exit the show.
Teams are so integral to the understanding of modern RHOBH that there’s no point in ignoring it. That’s why the St. Lucia trip is a refreshing take on the stale dynamics—and why it’s a bummer that this is where the season ends.
The episode picks up right where we left off, Sutton crying after her boat beatdown, while the rest of the ladies frolic in the sun. That about sums up what it’s like to be a Real Housewife of Beverly hills not named Sutton Stracke. Life is good, easy, and fun. No one asks you tough questions, and you get to go on luxurious trips.
Sutton lives each day in a Greek tragedy, so bad that even Jennifer Tilly notes: “I’m really kind of astonished at… how much the girls don’t like you.”
Yes, these women sure do hate Sutton, in large part because she’s the only chaos agent who upends that Beverly Hills state of beautiful nothingness. If there’s one thing Erika has proven this year, it’s that she’s only interesting when her life is falling apart, her tenure bookended by some of the most pitifully boring performances Bravo has ever seen, ones where the mere existence of drama disgusts her to the nth degree.
So it’s no surprise she and Dorit tried to sacrifice Sutton at sea. Is it a surprise, then, that this seemingly coordinated effort is actually called out as such? Maybe not, but it’s certainly surprising that it’s called out by Jennifer Tilly of all people.
Jennifer is the perfect outsider, bopping around like a little cartoon character, only to emerge in the finale with her spoon firmly planted in the pot. Despite sitting pretty and letting the girls pummel Sutton without uttering a single word, Jennifer and Garcelle are now ready to call out the group’s double standards, and the ringleader’s own silence.
Kyle and Sutton have one of those friendships that’s bad and not good. Every single time Sutton has reached out for a life raft, Kyle has only drowned her further. And finally, Sutton’s defenders are pointing out how incredulous it is for Sutton to expect anything from Kyle. Even pressed, Kyle still can’t offer up anything implying she cares even a little about Sutton, which is admittedly pretty funny.
Dorit and Erika (and Kyle) deserve to be called out for their mild colluding, especially when they’re giving increasingly ridiculous excuses to deflect.
“You know why Sutton’s mind goes to we were colluding? Because that’s the kind of behavior, the kind of s--- she would do,” Dorit says. Sure! I guess we’re playing dumb today.
RHOBH is in a precarious state where people want to live in a false reality that is never rocked by what’s actually honest. Erika, Dorit, and Kyle may not always be allied to each other, but they’ll remain allied to doing the bare minimum. Holding one of their feet to the fire inherently means that, when the pendulum swings back, they could face similar challenges. So it’s easier to just let everyone coast.
That dynamic works when it’s contrasted with Garcelle’s more straight shooting and Sutton accidentally hitting the bomb as her first move in every game of Minesweeper. It also works because Kyle is willing to form genuine relationships with these two, even if she’s proudly disloyal. She is the great connector, keeping RHOBH cohesive through 14 years of cast changes.
Now that the metagame is being exposed, that Kyle’s allegiance will always go to Dorit and Erika, maybe we can finally get somewhere more interesting. We just have to blow up the status quo first.
It is such an eye roll that the final dinner is spent with Erika stewing over the accusation that she and Dorit colluded on the boat. The self-importance and raw hatred for being real in any way, shape, or form has reached an apex that simply is too annoying to be campy, and too repetitive to feel fresh.
It was coordinated, and that’s okay. Waiting to bombard Sutton with a brutal pummeling on the final cast trip while trapped on a boat is good storyboarding. Take pride in it! The villain Erika of Seasons 11 and 12 surely would have. What about the people? What about the facts!?
Still, Erika has her little moment, and that’s much more exciting than watching the paint dry in her newly renovated bungalow. I’ll give a point or two where it’s due.
What’s so random is that Erika gets another moment… a big one. As has become so common in modern Housewives, the season ends with a five-minute epilogue filmed post-season, this one focused on Tom Girardi’s conviction. Sorry to toot the hater horn, but it’s not exactly an exciting or necessary moment. It’s something that could easily have been condensed into Erika’s finale card.
Really, picking the cameras up should be reserved for major moments. Dulling the waters to the point we’re adding epilogues to any and every season has made the gimmick feel, well, gimmicky.
The ethos of a Housewives finale is some sappy score being played over women dancing while they say things like, “I’ve learned that I can kinda be a jerk. I can be a better friend, a better daughter. If I could change anything from this year, it would definitely be my relationship with Dorit.” Thank you Ms. Stracke for delivering the kind of finale wrap-up we deserve.
Maybe ending on Erika is a hint that her saga has come to an end. With her returning to Chicago and the Girardi trial in the rearview, it would be a nice wrap-up. And it would be a smart move to even the playing field in the absence of Garcelle, so that Sutton stands a single chance of not dying a brutal death.
That would leave a pretty exciting cast, as Boz, Sutton, Dorit, and Kyle all fill solid roles in the aftermath. It’s also something that would push Kyle further toward Sutton without her bodyguard in tow, and would leave her much less protected against Boz’s growing resentment.
Erika is emblematic of all that’s wrong with RHOBH, and it’s not really all her fault. She just holds the key to keeping Dorit and Kyle from going scorched Earth, while keeping Sutton solidly ostracized. She’s almost too good at her role, and for that, it’s time to go.
It’s time for RHOBH to escape the era it’s been so firmly planted in since Season 10. Garcelle has become so integral to the show in this era that it’s only fitting she leaves right as a change becomes imperative.
It’s time to blow up the alliances and force everyone onto an island by themselves—bringing in two to three wildcard newbies. That’s riskier than sticking to the status quo, sure, but it’s a risk worth taking, lest Bravo want to hit an inevitable dead end.
The reunion should give us some decent insight into what’s next, hinting at Garcelle’s fallout with the entire group—even Sutton. Could this be the Carole Radziwill crash out of the 2020s? Stay tuned.
