The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was long defined by Kyle Richards and her aspirational marriage, one of the few seemingly unaffected by the curse that has doomed so many cast members who have gotten divorced while on the show. Now, she’s estranged from her husband as she discovers a late-in-life lesbianism (allegedly…), while her former bestie Dorit Kemsley has become her biggest enemy.
Finally, after years of stagnation, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is traversing the unknown. The entire cast is single and ready to mingle—and more importantly, ready to fight to the death. Okay, this is Beverly Hills. They’re simply arguing in person instead of confessionals, and I’ll take it.
The growing pains of last season are in the rearview—although the horrific Selling Sunset music sadly seems here to stay—and things are looking up. Finally, Chucky star Jennifer Tilly has joined the show in an official role, ready to show off her demonic, dolled-up persona. It’s Sutton’s fifth year on the show, so it’s only fair we finally dive into her world of kooky friends. It’s the least she deserves after four years of getting thrown off cliffs.
Sutton has survived some hellish hazing and is basking in all her glory, hosting a Surrealist Ball for all the ladies to fight in style. Sutton and Kyle have rekindled because Sutton’s urge to send Kyle online shopping links outweighed her desire to bully her, and for that, we’re all grateful. Unite in the commonality of hating Dorit, queenies.
Dorit is back to blonde and her Season 7 personality. Having split from P.K., the child of the world is no longer Switzerland. When she tells Erika Jayne she’s separating, Erika is brought to tears, surely realizing that Dorit’s villainous persona soon will emerge to save the show.
Meanwhile, Kyle’s on year two of her separation from Mauricio, and this time, she’s actually talking about it! Not only is she on the road to divorce, but she and Dorit are in a trial separation. Things were bad at the Season 13 reunion, and they’ve only grown worse now that Kyle knows Dorit showed their private texts on camera.
Kyle vs. Dorit is a perfect feud. They’re both insufferable, exhausting arguers with little empathy for the other. Their friendship always had an aura of hatred running through it, so it’s nice to just drop the pretense. These two have been foaming at the mouth to be cruel to each other.
Before that can happen, we hop on over to Garcelle Beauvais, who’s still sporting questionable fashions and a boring solo storyline. Yay! I still love you Garcelle, even if almost every solo scene of yours is nap time.
And with Mauricio’s Netflix show canceled, he’s back to filming for RHOBH. That means we get to watch a bizarre Mauricio and P.K. sit down. P.K. didn’t pay for those veneers just to go quietly into the night, after all. He’s going to film all season-long, whether we like it or not.
Finally, the ladies gather for the Surrealism Ball, where everyone’s dressed like characters on ABC’s Once Upon a Time. There’s probably a higher budget here, truthfully. Thank God we’ve escaped the endless 1920s parties for something visually interesting.
Dorit shows up with a giant disk on her head, as all the greats do, while newbie Bozoma Saint John rolls up in a deconstructed sheep. Bozoma’s resumé is something else. She hopped the corporate ladder from Pepsi to Apple, Uber, and Netflix, before settling into retirement as a Real Housewife. You can look at it two ways: She’s a shining success who left every company in better shape than ever, or she just keeps failing upwards. Maybe she’s here to save RHOBH, or she’ll leave it in irreparable despair. Time will tell!
Sutton’s party is truly the awkwardest event ever, in large part due to the fact Sutton and Dorit hate each other, and no one actually knows Bozoma. It’s like a fun little office networking event, except everyone’s dressed like freaks. Imagine you’re breaking the ice with your recently separated coworker and she’s wearing a satellite disk on her head. You’d feel awkward, too.
Meanwhile, the two coworkers who have actual beef are doing their best to keep things surface level. Last time Garcelle and Dorit saw each other, Garcelle heavily implied that Dorit faked her robbery, which obviously tested their relationship.
It’s funny considering that, if this were Salt Lake City, that accusation would be a minor blip on the radar. But this is the city of passive aggressive resentments, where no one forgets nor forgives. Garcelle and Kyle still have a mildly awkward tension from their Season 10 C-plot feud, so don’t start expecting a Dorit and Garcelle friendship for at least three more years.
When forest nymph Kyle Richards arrives to the party, she immediately quells the rumors about her relationship with Morgan Wade. Again. Thankfully, Kyle still does divulge a little, admitting that she is questioning her sexuality, ever so slightly.
The hamster wheel won’t ever stop spinning, and we’ll just have to play along for the time being. She better hurry up, though, before Dorit laps her with a sapphic love story for the ages, just because she can.
Once the entire cast sits together, things go from awkward to awkwarder. This cast just has no chemistry right now. It’s almost charming, really. It turns out that, with Dorit and Kyle fighting, there’s no glue to hold anything together, including Kathy Hilton’s extensions. Yep, Kooky Kathy’s back, and she’s as quirky as ever! Little does Kathy realize, we’ve already gotten a glimpse of her cruel nature. She can’t just pretend everything’s hunky dory again. I want her to haunt people with the demonic spirits inside her, not make coffee talk. Hopefully soon.
In classic RHOBH fashion, the Dorit vs. Kyle fight is saved for the last two minutes of the episode, but it’s a good two minutes. These two are a living nightmare to argue with, and they deserve each other. Finally, we might have a real feud on our hands after years of mid-tier, poorly matched central feuds.
Truly, consider the fights that heralded seasons past (Rinna vs. Denise, Erika vs. Sutton). This is the first time in years we have an evenly matched duel on our hands. As entertaining as Rinna upping the ante against a continually confused Denise was, the best feuds are those where the ladies can lob it right back.
Next week, the fight continues as the party roars on. Hopefully, that means another live performance from the live-action ensemble of Cats, or whoever that band Sutton hired were. They have such poise.
