After spending last weekend in Las Vegas, an utterly tasteless city, for this year’s BravoCon, the last thing I needed this week is to watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills partying in Sin City and reminding me of all the things I hated about it. (The landscape, the inflated prices, the endless chain restaurants, the traffic, the MAGA crowd, everyone walking at a snail’s pace!)
I’m guessing if you have enough money to fly private to Vegas and be chauffeured everywhere, you’re probably having the best experience possible. Still, tonight’s fairly eventful episode made me feel just like Dorit, a glamorous woman plagued with PTSD. It also made me wonder how long I (and the audience) can deal with Sutton’s meltdowns before we’ve finally had enough. Are her overly sensitive reactions amusing, or are they just Karen-ish at this point? I’d say a little bit of both.
When the episode picks back up, the cast is settled into their hotel rooms in Vegas for Crystal’s 40th birthday bonanza. Dorit and Kyle are shocked that Crystal, not exactly a glamourpuss, flew out her hair and makeup team, and they didn’t.
When they all meet back up in a suite, Garcelle starts poking fun at Sutton’s depressing love life. Supposedly, Sutton can’t nab a second date with any of the boring gentlemen she’s set up with. I honestly don’t think anyone in this group actually cares whether Sutton finds a husband or not, because they can barely tolerate her in the first place. I certainly don’t care ,unless they were as skeevy as Ryan on RHOC. But I appreciate Garcelle’s valiant efforts to highlight her bestie's storyline season. Kyle, of course, uses this opportunity to bring Sutton down a few notches before giving her a phony pep talk.
Next, they all get dressed up to go to Magic Mike Live, which Jayne has arranged. She’s got the hookup thanks to her creative director Mikey Minden, whose boyfriend is a dancer in the show. When the women meet in the dining room of the suite, everyone is wearing their sexiest getup, especially Jayne, who’s dressed like a dominatrix. Garcelle, on the other hand, is wearing a pink minidress that’s fit for a bridal shower. And Sutton, sporting a rhinestone-covered top and black slacks, looks like she has an all-hands meeting to attend.
Notably, she’s wearing pants, as Erika instructed, so the dancers will know to pull her up onstage. This is apparently already a huge sacrifice for Sutton, who likes to show her calves. It’s also the seed for the chaos that’s about to erupt.
So the women make their way to Magic Mike Live, where they’ve been given their own VIP section in the front. The dancers come over and invite Crystal and Erika onstage. Another gives Garcelle a lap dance at her seat, while Sutton is right next to her waiting to be acknowledged. (She isn’t.) To be fair, Sutton, who’s always scowling, doesn’t have the most inviting demeanor.
I have to say, I really enjoyed watching Crystal get dry-humped on a disgusting, sweat-covered floor by a male stripper. The past three seasons of this show have been so tense that I don’t think she’s really had an opportunity to show her fun side. Up until now, she hardly seemed like the center of attention on her own birthday trip. And she still has to share a stage with Erika, who’s predictably doing the most. She’s practically turned this guy humping her into a joint routine, putting her legs behind her head, whipping her blonde weave around and making over-the-top orgasmic expressions.
Back in the audience, the rest of the women are gagged watching Crystal get fake-eaten out in front of a room of people. Sutton starts squirming in her seat and putting her head in her hands. The whole thing gave me flashbacks to when Phaedra Parks brought that well-endowed porn star to Kandi Burruss’ birthday party, offending Nene Leakes and Mama Joyce. (“I walked right out, took my eyes out of my head, put ’em in my purse, and drove my car BLIND” is still my favorite Nene moment.)
Eventually, Sutton storms out and starts whining about how she’s “on the board of the American Ballet Foundation.” Garcelle goes running after her in the lobby, which is kind of a bummer. I kind of agree with Erika telling Garcelle last season that Sutton was a liability. I’m really over watching Garcelle having to defend or help Sutton get out of trouble—especially when Sutton has never really returned the favor, as we’ll see in the final scene. (To be fair, Sutton can barely defend herself.) I’d love to see Garcelle’s partner-in-crime on this show be someone equally as confident as her rather than someone she has to constantly coddle.
Nevertheless, Garcelle gets Sutton to sit down and tell her what’s wrong. Supposedly, Sutton’s afraid that being in such a sexually charged environment will ruin her brand—as if she wasn’t excited to see a bunch of gyrating, half-naked men a few minutes ago. Specifically, the simulated oral sex was a step too far. When Kyle goes out to the lobby—after having a whipped cream moment onstage—she says exactly what we’re all thinking to Sutton.
“Are you upset they didn’t ask you to go up there because you wore pants?” Kyle asks. Sutton becomes more irate, claiming that it “had nothing to do with the pants!” the way James Kennedy shouted “it’s not about the pasta!” They go back and forth until Sutton calms down a little, and Garcelle decides she’s ready to go. When they go into their party bus, Garcelle’s expecting Erika to go off on Sutton. But she looks like she could care less. And everyone basically agrees that Sutton’s feelings aren’t important.
Then they go to a sushi restaurant where they sing “Happy Birthday” to Crystal and play a naughty card game because they don’t have any organic banter. Before that, though, they get on the topic of Garcelle’s children and her eldest son Oliver’s former drug abuse. Dorit tries to complement her as mother, but Garcelle clearly wants to move to a different discussion. In her confessional, she said she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her kids with the group, based on how they treated Jax last year.
The next morning, during breakfast, she shares this sentiment with the women, who all seemed perplexed. Cut to the footage from last season of Dorit, P.K., Kyle, and Mauricio all laughing at Erika cursing out Jax at Garcelle’s birthday party. I truly forgot about this scene, given that Season 13 felt like it aired a million years ago. But it immediately made the maternal side of me angry all over again. That’s not to mention when Jax was being racially attacked online, they tried to make it about all of their children allegedly being cyberbullied.
Dorit’s particularly offended that Garcelle hasn’t gotten over their remarks last season, emphasizing that it happened a year ago. (So was Dorit’s home invasion that she won’t shut up about!) Understandably, I would be hurt if someone told me they didn’t feel comfortable talking about their family with me. But I also wouldn’t let my husband make fun of that person’s child on national television. You can’t have it both ways!
Garcelle explains that just because she’s accepted the women’s apologies doesn’t mean that she suddenly feels safe around them. At this moment, she was clearly looking for the women to affirm her feelings and maybe apologize again. But Dorit keeps pushing back. So Garcelle starts to tear up before attempting to leave. Erika tells Garcelle to come back. (Sutton does nothing, of course!) However, Dorit continues to make Garcelle’s discomfort about herself and tells her that she’ll “withhold” from saying how she feels moving forward.
Some male strippers may have gotten the women to loosen up. But when it comes to their friendships, it looks like we’re right back at square one. Sorry, Eaglewoman. Your healing session was as useless as we all thought.
