‘Real Housewives of Orange County’ Premiere: DUI Shannon Beador vs. Alexis ‘Jesus Jugs’ Bellino

The Real Housewives of New Jersey has fallen. The Real Housewives of Atlanta has suffered a fatal loss. Housewives Twitter wakes up each and every day declaring that the franchise is dead and buried unless we find a way for Lisa Vanderpump and Nene Leakes to return.

At last, the OC is back to show the other cities how it’s done.

The Real Housewives of Orange County has returned for its 18th season with a blast from the past reinvigorating this riveting reality, proving that long-form storytelling will bear beautiful fruit, if only we’re patient. RHOC is far removed from its peak era (Season 7-11), the Brooks era that soared the show to new heights as each lady descended further into madness, and faced a bout of uncertainty in recent years.

That was spurred by the departure of Heather Dubrow and re-entry of flop queen Lydia McLaughlin, alongside forgotten one-season wonder Peggy Sulayihan, followed by a failed pivot with newbies Gina Kirschenheiter and Emily Simpson—who, somehow, remain full-time Housewives to this day—and the dire move that was firing Tamra Judge and Vicki Gunvalson right after the show’s best season in years.

With the return of Dubrow in Season 16 and Judge in Season 17, as well as the ticking time bomb that is newbie Jenn Pedranti’s love affair with Ryan Boyajian, RHOC has fully regained its footing. And if the Season 18 premiere and bombshell trailer are any indication, we’re witnessing a full-on renaissance.

The season kicks off guns blazing with a Shannon Beador DUI supercut, a masterful edit that reminds us that, the worse Shannon’s life is, the more her charismatic layers shine. Unfortunately, Shannon is the modern equivalent of Job, suffering a fate so brutal each and every season (except 14 and kind of 11, if you squint?) that it’s truly unfathomable.

And, just like her proverbial counterpart, “Jesus Jugs” has risen out of the Orange County ashes to bless the world with her ethereal presence. Alexis Bellino, who was a full-time Housewife from Seasons 5 to 8, has returned in a friend role, with Shannon’s ex-boyfriend John Jannsen by her side.

Truly, the world hates Shannon Beador so deeply. But Bravo producers undoubtedly love her for filming through it all. In her first solo scene of the season, Shannon faces reality head on, sitting down with her daughters in her new house to dish out a dash of accountability—just a dash.

The Shannon Beador conundrum is like no other. Yes, she got a DUI after years of concern surrounding her drinking, crescendoing at just the right time narratively to really hit home the point of her hypocrisy, giving Gina a desperately needed moral win. Yet, she’s also returning to film on the outs with her former bestie Tamra Judge, who’s feeling especially evil this season, while Alexis returns hand-in-hand with the man who caused Shannon so much distress.

It’s the kind of soap opera plotting that honors the franchise’s Desperate Housewives roots. If you ever think life in the suburbs is all boring days and carpool pickup, rest assured, the Real Housewives suburban signature franchise will prove you wrong time and time again. For as much as RHOC has changed over the past 18 years, it’s never lost its “darkness behind the gates” of suburbia image, excelling at showing the versatile layers of women overlooked by society.

There’s a sense of hilarity watching Tamra revel so clearly in Shannon’s downfall, too. Tamra Judge loves few things more than the suffering of others, and that’s the kind of ethos that helped her build this franchise from the ground up. She may be a soulless succubus, but she’s an essential evil. She’s less crafty than some Housewives villains, but she rarely picks a losing battle.

And it’s even funnier that Shannon’s sober rebrand is that she’s a “two drinks… max kind of girl” now. We’ll have to see if she sticks to that promise throughout the season. It shouldn’t be too hard, really, especially given she drinks straight glasses of vodka with a splash of lime anyway.

Shannon’s life is such a mess that Jennifer Pedranti’s storyline seems simply secondary, despite the fact she’s still with her slimy grifter of a boyfriend—who will face an FBI inquiry later in the season—and has just been evicted from her home due to her ex-husband’s lack of rent payment. We are officially back in our OC roots, watching women in tragic relationships hurtle toward despair.

That’s true for Gina Kirschenheiter, too. Returning for her seventh season as the sixth most important member of the cast, Gina lets us in on a tough update: She and her boyfriend Travis will have to move into separate homes. R.I.P. the “sad and depressing” casita and its many bunk beds.

It’s a development that should carry serious weight. We’ve known Travis for four years now, and yet… it’s kind of like, OK. Gina’s never been an expert in solo footage—lest we forget her arc extracting herself of a demon or that time she did a fake house tour—and that doesn’t seem to be changing. It’s definitely sad watching Gina and Travis come to terms with their new reality, especially as his pain emanates through the screen, but time will tell if this storyline will manage to strike a real chord.

At the very least, it’s a more engaging subplot than Emily Simpson’s attempt. Emily is fit now, and she’s obsessed with working out! That’s it. That’s your Emily update. Oh, and she’s using Ozempic.

Last, but certainly not least, is Heather Dubrow, Patron Saint of Pretension (said with love). Now living in Beverly Hills—a feat not even true of most of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—Heather’s celebrating a victory lap as she successfully fought off a takedown attempt at the tail-end of Season 17.

Out of the hot seat, Heather plans a “new year, new me” party to reunite with all the ladies, inviting both Shannon and Alexis. Before then, we get the grand return of Alexis at dinner with Heather and Emily. Skirting past the fact Heather despised Alexis in their initial run, the two have been friends for a few years, and Alexis has also been friendly with Emily.

And Alexis launches right into offense, protecting her “Johnny J” against the evil temptress that is “drunk” Shannon Beador. It’s a position we’ve rarely seen Alexis in, given she spent her full-time run often on the defense, facing the most brutal hazing (dare I say, bullying) from the cast in Season 7 and 8, while existing as a hapless jester otherwise.

With her former adversaries firmly on her side, Alexis has something she never had before: power. And she’s intent to use that to psychologically torture Shannon. She’s so lucky Tamra currently likes her, because the second she turns on her, the Johnny J rebrand is going to be brutalized in such a way that Alexis will regret ever returning. I’m actually scared for her.

We learn that Alexis and John met in November 2023 at none other than The Quiet Woman, the most infamous restaurant in the OC universe (sans Andales), where a belligerent Shannon once said, “This isn’t my plate, you fucking bitch!” So it’s fitting that The Quiet Woman is the scene of this crime—and it’s interesting to note that reports of Shannon’s DUI mentioned a meltdown she had at that very restaurant, name-dropping Alexis Bellino, months before this all transpired.

We deserve a The Quiet Woman-themed reunion set, complete with a Kelly Dodd cutout sticking her tongue out through the window and a Lydia McLaughlion cutout praying in the narrow bathroom.

As the ladies head off to the party, we are introduced to new Housewife Katie Ginella, coming in through a loose relationship with Gina, although her real connection is to RHOBH star Sutton Stracke. Random, but anyway! Katie’s kind of just dropped into the fold with no real identity, as the premiere has to focus on the mountain before we get to the molehill, so to speak. We do see seeds planted of the eventual Katie/Heather feud, as Katie tells us this is her second time meeting Heather, but the first where Heather actually acknowledged her. Stay tuned on that front.

The actual tension at the party is much more intense, as Shannon and Alexis come face-to-face. Oh, there’s also brewing tension between Jenn and Gina, since Gina (who’s a real estate agent now, if you forgot) vouched for Jenn to get her rental, and feels it reflects poorly that Jenn’s now getting evicted. I’m not sure that Gina wants to make “lacking sympathy for her money-struggling castmate” her brand, given she’s been pigeonholed as the “poor Housewife” for the better part of her run to the point there’s a running joke that she works part-time at Chili’s, but you know, I’ll let the brew feud. Hypocrisy is fun.

Now, on to the main event. Shannon arrives to the party dressed to the nines, truly looking so fantastic that Emily and Gina spend a full minute expressing shock at how good she looks. If looks could kill, Shannon would be facing even more charges. And she’d be convicted.

As the star she is, Shannon decides to go up to Alexis right away and call for a conversation. Hear that, New Jersey Housewives? You actually can film with your worst enemies. The two awkwardly walk outside, dragging together a table to find production a better shot, before launching into a chat. Shannon brings up the defamation lawsuit Jim Bellino filed against her and Tamra a few years back, which allegedly cost each lady hundreds of thousands of dollars, accusing Alexis of filing a cease and desist that kicked the whole debacle off.

Alexis says that’s not true, nor does she care to relitigate the situation. The real issue? “The root of the problem is that you’re mad I have a boyfriend,” she says in a confessional. “And you’re not gonna win the battle with him. You will not.”

“You’re never going to get a dollar from me. If you don’t like it, there’s the door Shannon Beador,” Alexis says, before storming off. It’s a sight to behold watching two of the franchise’s most poor arguers fight a battle of words, and it’s hard to say if either of them really won this round, but we the viewers most certainly are coming out victorious.

It should be noted that, while this entire debacle goes down, the rest of the cast shove their faces onto the window to catch the action.

“Who doesn’t love a little bit of tea? But this is, like, the NFL of tea,” Katie shares in a confessional. I’m sorry Katie, but this is a terrible line. The editors did you dirty including it in the cut. What does the NFL of tea even mean? I suppose she meant it was the Super Bowl of tea, but even then… chopped. I heard crickets chirp.

With that, we launch into a season that’s sure to be monumental, as this is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s so amazing to be in this prosperous era of Orange County, especially after so many wrote off the franchise long ago. Next week, the party continues—both literally and metaphorically. Now if only we can get some more footage of Emily at the gym, we’ll really have a season on our hands.